Musings in the Dark: 2012

12/30/2012

I Miss the 90s


So yesterday, I was hanging with my bff, catching up on American Horror Story.  Afterwards, we got caught watching a VH-1 countdown.  It was just like we were back in college; such wonderful memories.   The countdown in question was the top 40 R&B Songs of the 1990s, and it was hilarious because for just about every song, my bff and I would say, “Girl, that’s my JAYUM!”  We would sing along, reminisce about where we were and what we were doing when said jayum came out.  The 1990s was great for music and so much goodness came out of that decade. 

For a comprehensive list of songs, go here.  But below are some of our jayums from back in the day when life was simpler and the music was good.

12/24/2012

Notes from a Fan...

I sat down today and had a nice, pleasant surprise in my inbox.



"I was not prepared to cry a river this weekend. But I knew I would get a great read. You have a fan in me Ms. Radjani. Corruption was better than I thought it would be. I do apologize I'm not one to write reviews. But I wanted you to know that I loved your book."

Corruption is still available on Amazon.


12/22/2012

Fic Update Alert: His Girl Friday

Chapter 2 of "His Girl Friday" is up on pinkelegance and ready to be read.  Called "Underground," it depicts the events that took place before, during and after the scene when Commissioner Gordon was dragged into Bane's underground lair.


12/19/2012

The Next Big Thing


I’m participating in The Next Big Thing blog hop, thanks to my good friend and brother from another mother, Dennis Upkins.  The Next Big Thing is a branching pyramid-of-prose for authors to discuss their latest release or WIP. Each author answers some preset questions (see below for my answers), and then tags five others to go next week.
Today I will be discussing my upcoming novel that is due out in January from Middle Child Press.

12/16/2012

Fic Update Alert: "His Girl Friday"

Chapter 1 of "His Girl Friday" is posted on pinkelegance.  Called "A Trip to Uzbekistan," it chronicles the before and after of TDKR's opening scene where Bane hijacks the CIA plane. *drool*

Enjoy.

12/09/2012

New Fic Alert: "His Girl Friday"

Some time ago, in August, to be specific, I mentioned that I had plans to write a third and final (?) TDKR fanfic entitled "His Girl Friday."  I couldn't write the fic until the film was released on DVD.  So obviously, as of last Tuesday, I became the proud owner of the attractive TDK box set for only $19.96 at the local Wal-Mart.  This gives me unlimited opportunities to lose my collective shit over Bane and study the movie so that the story can be told.


Pictured:  Source of many, many girl boners.

"His Girl Friday," which is a sequel to "What You Need," explores Bane's influences in key scenes throughout the movie.  I love writing fanfics where I can thread the needle of consistency and fill in blanks to satisfy my own warped, smutty sensibilities.  Of course the fic is for mature audiences only.

Feel free to check out "His Girl Friday" over on pinkelegance.  Reviews are encouraged and appreciated.

12/06/2012

Every Woman Should Have...

I have an awesome fashionista friend who's a buyer for a large department store chain. Recently, she developed a list of ten things she thinks every woman should have.  The list was popular with our group of friends on Facebook, and she's given me permission to post it here.  Feel free to share your own ideas, inclusions, substitutions and disagreements.

11/29/2012

Fic Alert: Khalaya Moon

The muse, which operates well outside of my line of sight and understanding, has decided that I'm not quite done with the Dark Beauty series.  So I present to you an epilogue entitled "Khalaya Moon."


Her bruschetta was decidedly flamboyant; she made it with thick slices of kreyla bread liberally spread with olive oil and garlic.  The bread was currently toasting in the oven, absorbing the oil and garlic butter and she was sautéing the vegetables.  Sheila smiled as she stirred a skillet full of red and yellow bell peppers, fresh basil, red and yellow tomatoes and thin layers of zucchini with balsamic vinegar.  Khalaya Moon’s residents had a healthy trade relationship with many cultures and were known for the varieties found in their marketplace.  She was thrilled to see the bell peppers, basil, tomatoes, balsamic vinegar and zucchini.


Read more here...

11/24/2012

Boss Chicks Book Reviews: Misty Knight and Miranda Mercury


This past summer, I introduced Volume II of the Boss Chicks series.  Volume II was about sistah sheroes Misty Knight, Lady Spellbinder, Miranda Mercury, Adept, Zealot, Nubia, Cipher & Michonne.  I purchased the comics featuring Misty Knight (Daughters of the Dragon) and Miranda Mercury (The Many Adventures of Miranda Mercury) from Amazon and recently finished reading them.  Let me tell you now: stop what you’re doing and go get these books.  They’re awesome.  WARNING: Spoilers.

11/21/2012

Giving Thanks...

After reflecting, which I try to do periodically, I acknowledge that I am grateful for AT LEAST 3 things:

1.  Another year of a healthy, active and productive life.
2.  Not spending another day doing a job I abhorred to the point of tears.
3.  Actually having real time, quality time, with my nieces and nephew.  I didn't realize until recently that it mattered them knowing exactly who their Auntie is as a person, and not just a name associated with their father.

It is not a stretch for me to come up with many more things to be thankful for, but this is as much as I need to share.  Friends and fans of the Dark, acknowledge the things that you're thankful for, share them if you want, and by all means, enjoy the day.


11/11/2012

The Importance of Chatter


Those of us who write and publish stories on fanfic sites, blogs, and communities do so for any number of reasons.  Some do it for love of storytelling and others do it to perfect the craft.  I do it for both, as does my partner in crime Ankhesen.  One of the things we appreciate, as does any author, is feedback.  It’s important to have an overall sense of the effect a story has on its readers.  It’s essential for us to hear from our core audience about how well—or how poorly—we’re doing with the material.  One of the things I really enjoyed writing in fandom communities is the continuous dialogue I had with fans of my work.  Feedback chatter has a way of clarifying simplistic aspects of a story, aspects not necessarily a point of importance or significance with the author.

11/05/2012

Fic Idea, Anyone?

Anyone got a story prompt for this pic?


I am a 100% die-hard, ovaries-to-the-wall, come-what-may, catch-a-flight-to-Yautja Prime Predator fan.  There's a story here, so I'm fishing for ideas.

11/01/2012

Growth as an Author


So I'm trying some different things, stretching my muse and ability in ways I'm not used to.  I have plans on the horizon of 2013, plans that include more than Nightingales and Blade Dancer, so here's hoping my efforts aren't in vain.  Some of my plans include having LGBTQ protagonists and PoC characters that aren't Black.  As an author, you can easily get into a rut, especially if you follow Rule #2 of my personal author's code: Write about what you know.  I cracked my shell last year with my first Blasian novel Corruption, and I know I can do better.  Writing about what you know does include the new things that you learn, which is what happens when you research story subjects.


10/31/2012

All Hallows' Eve

Halloween is my favorite holiday.  It occurs during my favorite season, fall.  My birthday’s about ten days removed, it’s the middle of football season, I’m cooking “real” food, and the air’s got a nice snap to it.  For many, Halloween’s about trick-or-treating, costumes, candy, pranks, haunted houses, parties, cool shit like that.  For me, it’s always been about the candy and costumes, but as I got older, I became fascinated with the origins of the holiday.

10/30/2012

Boss Chicks: Michonne


A/N:  This post deals with the TV show, not the comics, as I haven't read them yet.  Soon though...


Danai Gurira as "Michonne."  Also known as Boss Chick.

Michonne, played by actress Danai Gurira, is a badass katana-wielding survivor of the zombie apocalypse.  She made her debut on Season 2's finale of AMC's The Walking Dead by slicing up an attacking zombie and saving the life of Andrea, a woman on the run.  Michonne was wearing a hoodie and her face was hidden in shadow, but those who know the comic the show is based off of recognized her immediately.  Michonne is so superbly awesome that she walks around with two mutilated zombies on a chain.  They’re her pets. 

10/20/2012

Announcement

Coming soon from Middle Child Press...

Devil's Siren by Lady Aislynn Sanchar, the Dark Baroness...

video



Ravana Davide is a corporate mogul, a woman of significant means, and a newlywed. She's the bride of Nazar, who is a very powerful demon.  As a demon's concubine, Ravana enjoys a flawless new body, incredible sex, an unlimited bank account, and a hedonistic lifestyle. But while on her "honeymoon," Ravana realizes that in spite of the benefits of being Nazar's mate, she's lonely.

Enter Corson.

A roguish, sexy, red-skinned devil, Corson wants nothing more than Ravana herself.  As Corson's rival, Nazar isn't willing to give Ravana up and Corson isn't willing to stay away from her. It's up to Ravana to choose which demon she wants, but the question she must ask herself is...

...is it better to stick with the devil you know?

Rating: Mature audiences, 21+. Explicit sex, language & adult situations.  Available Winter 2012 from Amazon.com.

A Middle Child Press book.

10/16/2012

Update!

Chapter 9 of "The Hunt" is now up on the Shorties blog.  We're almost done with Sheila's experiences in dealing with K'avir's pon farr.

10/14/2012

Time...Is On My Side


Three years ago, I decided that I wanted to teach overseas.  I knew it wasn’t something that would happen immediately; plans had to be made.  So I started the preparation for my exit.  It involved graduating, figuring out what to do with my house and job, the application process and things of that nature.  When it became clear that I could indeed do this, I set the summer of 2012 as the time of departure.  I had everything planned; I resigned from my teaching gig, set the date for my final defense, arranged for the care of my house, and packed up the stuff that I wasn’t using.

10/09/2012

Fic Update Alert

Update!  Chapters 6 - 8 of "The Hunt" is up on the Shorties blog.  If you'll pardon the pun, the hunt is on!

10/05/2012

...And This Shit Right Here!


I don’t deal with politics.  I’m not interested in debating with anyone who should be president and why.  No one can convince me to vote for anybody other than the candidates themselves.  I’m not going to try and convince anyone else.  I show my support by taking my black ass to the polls.  This post isn’t designed to do anything but bring attention to something I find appalling.  I can’t sit back and not speak on this.

10/04/2012

The Hunt

For those who are following my story "The Hunt" on the Shorties blog, you will be pleased to know that I finally uploaded Chapter 5.  Head on over and check it out.

Hopefully, it won't take me another seven months to upload Ch. 6.  Here's hoping.

9/24/2012

Monolith Myths

Recently, I had the experience of corresponding with a young woman I’ll call Brina.  Brina was friends with a Filipino guy I’ll call Asshole.  You’ll understand why in a little while.  Anyway, Brina got out of a relationship and became friends with Asshole.  They got along very well, and five months after meeting, they became friends with benefits.

I’m going to digress for a moment to say this:  FWBs just don’t work.  It requires a particular mindset, and most women don’t have said mental perspective.  We will rationalize the hell out of the situation and look for validation in the tiniest of opinions, but the truth of the matter is that FWBs simply.don’t.work.  Because once that happens, the power dynamic shifts.  In this case, Brina allowed the power to shift to Asshole, and he began to demonstrate his name.

Anyhoo, the FWB situation went on for a few months.  One day, Asshole tells Brina (who’s rocking a ‘fro) that he prefers her hair to be “long and straight.”  For us seasoned vets, that’s the first red flag.  Brina recognized it (probably via hindsight) as a red flag, but she dismissed it.  Then one night, Asshole got drunk and told her that he really liked her and he was considering asking her out, but couldn’t because she wasn’t white.

Take a moment; let that marinate.

Brina dismissed his drunken statement as the musings of a drunk, but my Momma always told me that a drunk speaks a sober mind.  Sometime later, Asshole (now sober) told Brina again that he couldn’t date her because she wasn’t white, and she became upset.  To paraphrase her words; if he liked her and considered her a friend, then he wouldn’t have said such things to her.  She ended the friendship and it took him two months to apologize.  The situation caused Brina to question her attraction to Asian men in general, and she wanted to know how to get past the hurt.

I’m not an expert on anything, but I’m old enough to have learned some things when dealing with a significant other.  Brina said that she never saw him as anything more than a friend, but I call shenanigans.  I’m reposting some of my responses below.

“What I first have to ask is did you truly like this guy as potentially more than a friend, or was he was someone you were just cool with?  Based on the rest of your message, I'm inclined to think the former was the case.  Otherwise, it wouldn't have hurt so bad.”


“The second thing I should point out is that you didn't take time to heal from your last relationship, regardless as to you being "friends" with this guy.  You were hurting and it was instinctive to transfer some of your emotion onto the new guy.  So when the hurt came, it was a double whammy.”

“But the second you had sex with him, you lost your power.  He didn't see you as anything more than a piece of ass…You should have ended your relationship with him immediately after he let you know that he couldn't accept you as you are, in spite of having sex with you on a regular basis.  Again, this is indicative of how he sees you.”

In re: the hair:


“Your hair wasn't long and straight when you entered into the FWB agreement, correct?  He didn't have a problem with your hair when you guys were sweating it out, right?”  


In re: him telling her that he couldn’t ask her out because she wasn’t white:


“What you heard from him is the pure, unadulterated truth.  He wasn't confused; he was simply being honest for the very first time.  Again, you were black when you were doing the horizontal bop and he didn't have a problem with it then…You shouldn't have been surprised.  He told you this before.  Him being drunk is irrelevant.  He was looking for the courage to tell you this.  That he found it in a bottle tells you what kind of man he really is...and is this a man you want to be in a relationship with?"


In re: her questioning his perspective in regards to their “friendship”:

“Yet another indicator that you thought more of him than he did of you.  If he liked you and was an actual friend, he would have never said the words.  That it took him two months to apologize tells you one more time that he's a dick...and you're better off without him.

In re: Brina’s claim that they were nothing but friends:

“Are you sure about this?  You don't have to tell me, but you need to be truthful with yourself.  If all he was to you was a friend, then I don't think his words would have hurt as much as they did.  Only you know this for sure.

In re: Brina questioning her attraction to Asian men as a result:

“It don't matter what color he is; he could be black, white, Asian, Arab, Hispanic, purple or Scotch plaid...men of all colors have pulled shit like this.  His skin color has nothing to do with the fact that he's a dick.  Your interest in Asian men should not be deterred by the actions of one assholeyou can't judge an entire race or gender based on the behavior of that one guy.  A brotha could have done it, as could a white man or a Hispanic dude.  Just so happens, this cat was Filipino.”


And in re: her question on how to deal with the debacle:


“I suggest you take some time to be alone and process all this.  Give yourself time to heal and decide what it is you really want in a relationship, then be open to it. And when I say time, I don't mean a few weeks.  Stop dwelling on it.  You didn't do anything wrong.  Cry if you need to, throw things, cuss him out, burn his picture...whatever.  Once you get past the immediate anger, then letting go becomes easier.  And when I say let go, that means ending your "friendship" with him.  Close that door and lock it.  If you try to maintain any kind of relationship with this guy, all it will do is draw out your pain.  He's already shown you who he is, so believe him…The next time your instincts tell you to run or drop a mofo, listen and obey.”


I know it wasn’t easy for Brina to read my responses, but she didn’t email me with the expectations of getting a sugarcoated reply; at least I hope not.  I hope she took my words to heart, because I speak from experience.  It isn’t fair for her to assume that just because one douchenozzle (who happened to be Asian) broke her heart that all Asian men will do the same, and it isn’t fair to Asian men that she make such a broad supposition.  Men aren’t monoliths.  Assholes come in all shapes, sizes, colors and genders.

Brina’s email got me to thinking about how easy it is for people to classify entire groups based on an individual.  This happens every day, with every societal construct.  Election season is in full swing and everybody everywhere is hearing all these monolithic myths.  You know a few:

“All men are dogs.”

“Black women are ugly, fat, independent gold-digging welfare moms.”

“A white man wouldn’t treat me like this.”

“Asian women are docile.”

“All she needs is some dick to make her feel better.”

“Black men ain’t shit.”

“Asian men are effeminate.”

“She’s a mean lesbian man-hating stuck-up bitch [because she won’t go out with me].”

I could go on, but you get the idea.  And I’m sure I’ll be revisiting this topic in later posts.  Feel free to share any monolith myths you’ve heard or have knowledge of.

9/06/2012

Announcement

For fans of the Dark who want to leave comments but hate that stupid CAPTCHA, I am hereby pleased to announce that you no longer have to worry about that annoying little thing.  Feel free to comment as you will, but please do so under a name.  


Announcement

My pal and partner-in-crime Ankhesen has begun an exciting new fanfic series entitled Gaya's Astronomy.  This fic is a play on Grey's Anatomy, but instead of doctors in residence, it focuses on ensigns fresh out of Starfleet Academy who have just been assigned to the starship Enterprise.

Ankhesen is a fantastic writer and a diehard Trekkie, so I can assure you that you will be entertained with the adventures of Gaya and her fellow ensigns.  

Here's a peek:



In order to begin the journey with Gaya and her colleagues, you may engage at Dark & Twisty.  Be sure to leave feedback.

9/03/2012

8/31/2012

My Last Nerve

I have to get this off my chest, because it's getting on my last nerve.

Why is it that when I put certain search terms into the Google image omnibox, I get hits that have absolutely nothing to do with said terms?

For instance, I typed in "black female hairstyles" and images of white women came up.  I typed in "black woman black man love" and white people came up.  I typed in "black female actresses" and white women came up.  Anytime I try to do an image search on anything black female-related (and I try to be as specific as possible in my search terms), white women always comes up.  Can anybody explain to me why that is???  Because it's starting to piss me off.

Search terms:  "black female hairstyles"

Some results:






Try it for yourself if you think I'm bullshitting.  These women aren't black and so they can't possibly rock a black hairstyle.  They're blondes, so the terms "black" and "hairstyle" don't apply.   I mean, can we have something all to ourselves????

/rant over.

8/28/2012

Musings...


I haven’t been blogging much lately for a number of reasons.  First of all, I’m in a transitory state and I’m taking time to cogitate where I am in life versus where I want to be.  This next step I take will be extremely significant and relatively permanent (as far as I can see), so I want to make sure I step wisely.  I desperately long for the day when my passion becomes my full-time job.  Make no mistake; that day will come.

I’ve been writing, thank the Lord.  My muse shows up when she shows up and you guys already know that when she does, I stop doing everything to answer the call.  There’s the two Bane-centered fanfics on pinkelegance, “What You Need” & “Bad Habits.”  There’s another one still in the thought stages; I need TDKR on DVD so that I can study the film in order to write the fic, tentatively titled “His Girl Friday.”  Bane is so powerfully sexy to me; there’s so much to like about a brilliant masked villain of his stature who is completely out of fucks to give.


I’ve just finished the final edits of Tainted and I’m very pleased to report that I’m super excited about this book, the idea for which came out of freaking nowhere, because it’s different from anything else I’ve written.  It has the potential to generate two separate spin-offs (a la Sheila & K’avir from “Sexy Beast”) if audiences find the characters likeable enough to want more of them.  I’ll be turning my attention back to Nightingales and Blade Dancer after Tainted is published, which will be in the very near future.  And thanks to artist Julie Nguyen, I will probably be able to finish Chapter 5 of “The Hunt” before the apocalypse.  I try to milk the muse for all she’s worth when she’s available because I never know when she’ll decide to disappear and leave me stranded.

I’ve also been working with author Aislynn Sanchar (you might remember her as the Dark Baroness) to produce her first novel and MCP’s next publication, Devil’s Siren.  MCP is all about branching out into genres with underrepresented WoC, which of course means all genres.  Baroness Sanchar’s novel, a sequel to her short story “Sacrament” (featured in The Sultry Court) is classified as supernatural erotica and is for very, very mature audiences.  Stay tuned for updates on the status of Lady Sanchar’s debut novel.

Creative spurts keep me going, and considering the holding pattern I’m currently in, I am so happy to have my muse keeping me company.

8/27/2012

Fan Art Invitation

On my Shorties blog, artist Julie Nguyen has created some original sanctioned fan art of one of my characters, Sheila Stephens.  Sheila is one of the protagonists in the Dark Beauty Trilogy and the first of the Velimir novels, Blade Dancer.  

If you are an artist and a fan of Sheila & K'avir, you are welcome to submit your own fan art.  You can find the art and the guidelines here.

If you want to read the Dark Beauty Trilogy, you can find it below.  Note: "The Hunt" is currently in progress.

Combat
Feenin'
The Hunt




8/04/2012

Fic Alert: Bad Habits

Sequel to "What You Need."  I know, I know...

"Actually, I paid him to set up a meeting with you.  I knew that I couldn’t see you any other way.  Bear in mind, Max, that if I were engaging my more…blunt…tendencies, I would have just shown up at your house and stayed.” 

She closed her eyes as she started walking down the hall.  “And I would have killed you.  Do not, for one second, think that I’m incapable of murder.  I will do anything to protect my child.”

He nodded curtly, well aware of the bodies Max left behind.


Read the rest here...

7/31/2012

Boss Chicks: Cipher


"Do ya feel lucky?  Do ya, punk?"

Alisa Tager, b/k/a Cipher, is a young mutant from the world of Young X-Men.  Created by artist Rafa Sandoval and writer Marc Guggenheim, Cipher first appears in Young X-Men #8.  However, using her particular abilities, Cipher was retconned into the series as early as Young X-Men #3.

Cipher is a spy, but she’s the most bad-ass spy I’ve ever heard of.  Her mutant abilities include the following:

  • Full electromagnetic spectrum invisibility
  • Complete stealth
  • Ability to move between phases (i.e. pass through solid objects)
  • Levitation
  • Voice masking
  • Pilot


She rocks sweet dreads, a foxy yellow & black outfit, and a deceptive smile.  This is a boss chick right here.  If I need to get precious intel; this is who I’d call.  Fuck James Bond.



7/28/2012

Fic Alert: What You Need

"You know, if I wanted to harm you or anything like that, I could have done it when you were under.  I could have let you bleed out on my living room floor.  In fact, I could have told those men to throw your big ass out of my house, but I did none of those things.  I don’t know who you are, nor do I care.  You don’t have any money, you can’t offer me anything, and you won’t ever be able to repay me for what I’ve spent taking care of you thus far.  I wanted to help you, but maybe you’re just too big, too ugly, and too stupid to understand something as simple as that. So please, get the fuck out of my house.”


Read the rest here...

7/24/2012

Me and my muse...*sigh*

It's funny how you can be swamped with a crapload of things to do and then all of a sudden, you get smashed over the head with an idea for a fanfic.  Like I have time to do any extra writing outside of my research and the editing of Tainted...but here comes the muse skipping along with a damn-near-fully-formed plot bunny and an icepick.  This means that I am compelled to write said fic because she will go all Sharon Stone on me if I don't comply.


The fic in question was inspired by Tom Hardy's Bane in The Dark Knight Rises.  Tom's sexy to begin with (lips!!!), but here he made the ol'girl damn near lose her religion.  I was literally breathing hard about four minutes into the movie and ready to throw my sexy panties at the screen during the beat'em-down scene.  If you've seen the movie, you know what scene I'm referring to.  By the time we reach the scene of him standing in front of Blackgate Prison, I was quite ready to launch myself at said screen.  Can we say giant girl boner???  


I have a predilection, so the mask is not a turn-off.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  My blood pressure hasn't been right since I caught the midnight showing. 


*cue drool* Dear Lord, could this man not be any sexier?
Pre-beatdown.

Four minutes in...and my pulse was racing.

*smiles slowly and spreads...*  Yeah.  You read that right.
When said fanfic, tentatively titled "What You Need" is posted on pinkelegance, I'll let you guys know.


*goes to sleep with visions of a naked Bane dancing in her head*



7/21/2012

Fear of a Black Planet


**Author’s note:  The quotes contained herein are taken word for word from the emails I received.  They have not been altered except for the deletion of names and other potentially identifying factors.  I promise you, I could not make this shit up and I'm an author.

The title of this post is eponymous with Public Enemy’s 1990 classic, but it’s merely a stylistic choice. Last week, I joined Black Planet, which is a variation of Match.com or EHarmony, but as the title implies, it’s for black people.  This isn’t to say that it’s exclusive to black folk; there are plenty of other races people on BP looking to hookup/meet/date/marry a person of color.  But I digress.

I joined BP out of sheer boredom; I’m spending a great deal of time staring at a bunch of numbers and statistics have been known to lead people astray.  I’d been warned about BP from my bestie, but I knew I wasn’t looking for anything serious and I thought it would be okay.  I was bored.  What I learned from that six-day experiment was that I have absolutely no patience when it comes to this sort of thing, which is why I never did it in the first place.

People lie, especially on the ‘net.  You can be anything or anyone you want to be and no one will ever know the truth.  So when doing something like this, be up front about what you’re looking for and don’t deviate from that, and know that you don’t have to be polite or courteous, and you shouldn’t respond to everybody.  Having said that, with the exception of my screen name, I was perfectly honest about everything.  I’m grown and I have no reason to lie, especially to a stranger.  I stated in my profile that I wasn’t looking to get married or boo’ed up and in spite of this, I kept getting the same introductory messages.  I started to wonder if BP had a list of conversation starters because each guy literally asked the exact same thing in the exact same order. 

"Ok, for my questions to you. What are some of your goals, hopes and dreams? Are  you really single and why are you single? How long have you been single? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you have any kids? If yes, How  many? cos i love kids and i like to play and be with them. Would you  like to have more Kids? What do you do for a living? How old are you  really? What makes you upset? What makes you happy? What do you expect from your Partner? How do you handle conflict in a relationship? What do you look for in a Relationship? If there is  something you want to say but you think you might be rambling or it is  not important, it is ok, to me it is important."

?????????????

As you can see, the grammar is horrible; everything is smashed together without indentation or paragraph breaks, and most of them clearly never heard of periods because the sentences ran on so much I broke out my sneaks.  I’m not a grammar Nazi, but this shit was ridiculous.  I don’t expect for everyone to have the same command of the language as I do, but I need to be able to carry on some semblance of conversation.
Example:

"Hello Cutie,            To start telling you more about me_i am 6'0" tall with a Brown eyes, i do not smoke and i do not drink alcohol,i am a very good looking gentle man of 41 and i will be 42 by Dec 20th years Im into a Construction  business for the Past 10 years and i do  travel within  the regions to Construct and i would be willing to married to a wonderful woman whether she has Kids or not or not willing to have more Kids am still okay just wanna be happy together with my woman for the rest of our life together...I lost my Dad when i was Ten (31)...My Religion is Christian.I ’ am Easy Going, Adventurous, Romantic, Ambitious and have a very good sense of humor."
In spite of me saying up front that I didn’t want anything serious, I kept getting messages like this:
"I have been burnt so Bad. My last relationship ended on a very sad note for me but I do not believe in regrets. I tell you this because I cannot predict the future. I have never been married, but it would be a very great thing in my  life to get married because i do believe there is someone special out  there for everyone. I don't believe in Divorce, I only want to get  married once and when I do get married, i want it to be for better for worse... and forever. I would love to know the basics about you.... Well, I am really  serious about you and interested in getting to know you . I will be  waiting for your Calm and Humble reply."

And this:

"What I am looking for is someone who will get to know me ,who will love me forever and be there for me ,who is willing to merge her soul with mine to result in what is called fate then later merge her heart with mine and that will be marriage.And then I get to live with her in his humble abode for ever and start a family > with.I am single and I am looking for someone who understands love and know what love is."

Mind you, these are introductory emails, as in them being the very first sent to me.  And then I got some from men who were from the United States but “in Nigeria on business taking care of their sick mom”

"Currently i am in Africa on a short visit for building a company for the federal Governmet of Nigeria i am also here in Nigeria to come take care of ma sick Mom in a Hospital here as well,But I will be returning back very soon."

I got about three of these, and the wording was precise. It was always a building engineer or construction analyst, it was always Nigeria, and it was always a sick mother.  In fact, the phrasing was so specific that my Spidey senses tingled.  Now having been a caregiver, I begrudge no one who is doing the same.  But what I don’t like is someone using an ailing mother with breast cancer as a ploy for sympathy or pussy points.  My best friend, who spent some time navigating the bullshit-infested waters of Black Planet, told me that it was a known fact (on BP forums) that these men were actually Nigerian residents running scams to get an American woman to bring them into the country.  That actually explained a lot; especially this bit of chicanery:

"I always make sure to share the little that I have with someone and I'm also satisfied with whatever I 've.Also when it comes to sex/lovemaking,i think both of us should play an equal role.My woman should be able to satisfy me during love making and am not afraid to give her all what she want in love making till she is drunk with my love.To add a few I am not a racist and i am very romantic.I will go to where ever and who ever i find to be my soul mate.I love always being around my woman and letting her know how much i love her through my physical touch on her body with my sensitive parts."

I mean, do women actually fall for shit like this?  After I picked myself up off the floor, I gave it a great deal of thought.  A lot of women are desperate for love & companionship.  Their self-esteem is so low that they will fall  for stuff like this and embark upon something that will ultimately lead to disaster. There are reasons sites like BP, Match.com & EHarmony are so damned successful.  I know you guys are probably wondering, “Amaya, what in the hell were you doing on a site like this anyway?”  The answer is boredom, but it soon turned to annoyance.  One dude got mad and called me out of my name because I wasn’t responding to the IM fast enough, another guy wanted me to drive to NC so he could “nut all over my breasts,” and another wanted to know how big my “things” were.  One individual told me that he could tell I was a “beautiful, caring, sensitive ‘Queen’” based on my profile pic.  Note: I was wearing one of my Mardi Gras masks in said pic. 

Needless to say, I got tired of all of this crap quick, fast and in a hurry and deleted my account.  I simply lack the patience to deal with such inane infantile chatter—it can’t even be qualified as conversation.  My bestie, in spite of having dealt with BP drama, encouraged me to keep the account and wade through the garbage to find someone worthy of conversation (because they do exist), but it just isn’t worth it to waste the time.  But as with most things that happen to me nowadays, the experience served to be nothing more than blog fodder.  I certainly hope you get as much amusement out of reading those quotes as I eventually did.

7/13/2012

Triskaidekaphobia...

…or fear of Friday the 13th

On days like today, there is typically some good TV on; usually in the form of horror flicks.  I love horror movies.  When I was in my formative years, I was at once terrified and fascinated by them.  The first one I can remember that scared the shit out of me (and instilled a healthy fear of scarecrows) was Dark Night of the Scarecrow.  It was a made-for-TV movie about a wrongly accused man who hid in a scarecrow to hide from vigilantes.  He was murdered and his spirit returned to haunt the men who killed them.  The last scene in the movie is of the scarecrow and…let’s just say I didn’t sleep that night.  I watched the movie again last year and that scene still makes me nervous. 

Halloween came out in 1978 and Friday the 13th came out in 1980.  Of course I saw them, and of course they frightened me.  I spent many a night sitting up in my bed, too scared to sleep because either Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers was going to come out of the closet and get me.  Both of them were effective in their own way.  Jason was a disgusting retarded hillbilly with a fucked-up face, so he was more gross than anything else.  Michael, however, was a tall, silent stalker in Dickies and an altered white William Shatner mask.  You knew what Jason was, but you weren’t sure about Michael.  He looked human, but there was clearly something other going on behind that damned façade.  It was he that utterly terrified me, right along with Bubba the Scarecrow.

*takes a moment*


Even now, I can't bear to put an image of Michael up on my blog.  That's how it should be done, my friends.


The reason why this worked so well is because whatever our minds can conjure is always far worse than what a director can put on the screen. So on Michael (and Bubba by extension), I could project all of my fears onto that stark…white…mask…and as an imaginative young writer, believe me when I tell you I had some horrifying monsters I was seeing instead of a Shatner veneer.

But in spite of my fears, or maybe because of them, I couldn’t help but devour these movies.  The 80s were a glorious time for horror, both camp and not.  Examples of some good stuff:  Prom Night, The Shining, Graduation Day, Happy Birthday to Me, The Howling, My Bloody Valentine, Creepshow, Christine, Cujo, Sleepaway Camp, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Phenomena, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Phantasm, Child’s Play and The Amityville Horror.  This list is not exhaustive, and to be perfectly honest, only the first half of the 80s produced pristine classics.  Or maybe that’s just because I was younger and far more impressionable then than I was after 1985.  Nowadays, it is extremely difficult to pull off an effective horror movie because our sensibilities are so jaded.  I can’t think of the last time a movie made me uneasy. 

I’ll always love horror movies.  I like being curled up on the couch in the dark, with my hand over my eyes, peeking through the slits at the TV.  I’ve seen Halloween about 200 times, but the sight of Michael Myers stalking babysitters will always twerk the primal part of my brain where that petrified little girl still resides.

7/09/2012

An Ode to Cheese...(3/5)


This entry deals with the third greatest film of all time:  Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, starring Jaleel White (b.k.a Steve Urkel).  This wonderful little chunk of cheddar brings back the megalodon from Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.  Apparently, the megalodon didn’t die along with the cephalopod and returns in this sequel of sorts with a vengeance.

A 1500-ft crocodile shows up in Africa for reasons unknown, interrupting a blood diamond mining operation.  Said croc is captured by a "great white hunter" named Nigel Putnam in one of the most ridiculously funny sequences ever conceptualized.  There’s no way in this galaxy that a croc that large would respond to any tranquilizer of any sort that damn quick.  How Mr. Putnam manages to smuggle the crocodile out of Africa on a cargo ship is conveniently glossed over by a well-placed commercial. 

Terry McCormick (Jaleel White) is a naval officer and shark specialist.  He invented some hydrosonic spheres designed to attract sharks (for what reason, only God knows).  While testing his equipment, he unknowingly attracts the megalodon, who promptly destroys the warship.  The croc and the shark meet up when the shark attacks the cargo ship.  The shark likes to snack on the croc’s eggs and the croc is understandably not having any of that shit.  The remainder of the movie revolves around McCormick and Putnam and a female government agent named Hutchinson trying to destroy the croc and the shark.  Hutchinson is supposed to be tough and smart, but she comes off as a domineering ballbuster instead.  She’s annoying.

Highlights of this marvelous little film:

Jaleel White’s obvious overacting.  The scene where he’s grieving while being interrogated is side-splitting and fart-inducing.  *bangs fist on table*  “I need the data!”

A stereotypical dumb blonde walking in the "jungles of Africa" in stilettos and a pencil skirt...who "has to meet with rebel leaders in two hours."  She doesn't make said meeting.

The megalodon’s supergiant dorsal fin and the fact that it roars.  A roaring shark.   Really? 

The annihilation of the Panama Canal by the megalodon and the crocodile and the apparent fact that Panamanians were okay with it.

The crocodile destroying the American Airlines Arena where the Miami Heat play.  Joker just stepped on the building.  He also ate Shamu while vising Orlando.  One logically assumes that Orlando and Miami are right down the street from each other.

The shark swallows a nuclear submarine whole.

Putnam does a cartwheel in the sand while shooting a baby croc.

See this cheesy goodness for yourself:


I swear, this fantastic little movie should have gotten nominated for at least a Golden Globe.  It is simply ridiculous that it has been overlooked by the Academy.  3.5 gleeful stars.


**UPDATE!!**  Word on the street is that there will be a third film featuring the megalodon.  Said flick is entitled "Mega Shark vs. Mecha Shark."  *cries tears of joy* There is a God.

7/04/2012

Boss Chicks: Nubia


#1 STUNNA
I grew up loving Wonder Woman, so Nubia isn’t new to me.   However, I’d forgotten about her over the years because life will do that.   But Denny reminded me about her and I thought, “YES!  PERFECT!”

Nubia was created by Robert Kanigher and Don Heck.  She first appears in Wonder Woman #204.

As comic book heads will tell you, Diana Prince is the titular Wonder Woman, an Amazon princess formed from white clay.  Nubia is her twin sister, who was formed from black clay.  This was done by Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons because she wanted a child of her own. Aphrodite gave the twins life, but Nubia was kidnapped by Mars and raised to be a warrior, and he kept her mentally enslaved.  

Nubia is a highly-skilled combatant and martial artist and put a beatdown on her twin when they first met.  They fought several times and eventually, Diana was able to free Nubia from her mental prison.   Nubia eventually went on to ultimate badassery, including running thangs on her own island.

Nubia is an Amazon, which means she kicks ass and takes names while being utterly fabulous.  She has superhuman strength, speed, a healing factor and enhanced senses.  She’s also a telepath, a markswoman, and a weapon master.  Nubia has a sword that can counteract the effects of her sister’s golden lariat. And did I say she’s fabulous?

I’ll say it again:  She’s fabulous.