Musings in the Dark: April 2011


Into the Void, part deux

So I'm lying in my bed with the windows open, listening to the rain fall.  The TV is on, blatting nonsense, and my room is lit with a solitary lamp.  I like the dark.  I like the night.  I love thunderstorms and rain that dances on the roof.  The smell of the air right before a storm is crisp and tight and practically has texture.  The sound of it whistling through the trees is like a lover beckoning me deeper into the dark.  There's supposed to be a storm coming and I hope I've not been cheated.  For my name means night rain darkness and it is when nature converges at this point that I am what my name is.

I am prepared for the visit; my skin is soft and warm and fragrant, my breath sweet, my eyes clear and bright, and my body ripe with anticipation.  My hair fans out around my head in a glorious dark halo and I know my love can't resist me.

My lover whispers my name, sweet and low.  The touch of his hand is a cool breeze, made more potent by the darkness of the sky and the swelling raindrops that will soon come to earth.  When I let him touch me and lead me, I'm deep into the darkness and the dreams where my creative spirit is anchored.  It is here where I conceptualize and create and see the worlds beyond the one I live in under another name.  But that me isn't the true me; what comes up and out of that void is the real me.  Pure, untouched, fundamental...raw.

I'm waiting for the rain.  I need the thunder.  I require the storm.  If I am to take the hand of my lover, I need these things to happen.  There in the void, I feel images, stories, novellas, novels...words waiting for me.  I see them in my mind's eye; feel them in the darkness of my heart.  There is where my true love lies, brought to me by the storm.

I'm waiting for the rain...and I hear it now...


Interview with Nichelle Gregory

As part of Middle Child Press' marketing push, I've been interviewed by author Nichelle Gregory of As You Wish, Hearts & Diamonds, Doll, and numerous other works. We discussed the origins of The Blasian Narrative, Middle Child Press, and The Sultry Court.  You can check out the full interview here at Simply Sexy Stories.


"Precession." Complete.

Part 12
Saturdays at Jade’s were always busy.  There was usually some sporting events on the TVs and there was a regular crowd.  Unless I scheduled ahead of time, I worked all day.  I sat in my office with my face glued to the computer, and it was probably looking at me more than I was looking at it.  Orion Jr. had gotten into the habit of calling me on the nights he didn’t see me and I looked forward to his calls.  I hadn’t spoken to his mother since she left my apartment, and I was frustrated and angry about all of it.  This was a miasma of both our making, and both of us were too stubborn to do the right thing by everybody.  
Sadao poked his head in my office door.  “Boss?”
I looked up.  “Sadao.”
“There’s a guy by the name of Broughton out here that wants to see you.  CJ Broughton.”
“Oh,” I said, standing up.  “Let him in.”
CJ and I didn’t get along, obviously, so when he came into my office, I was understandably wary.  But I was also a professional and I extended my hand.  He took it and gave it a brief shake.
“CJ,” I said.
“Orion,” he said.
“Have a seat.”
He sat down.  “This won’t take long.”
I sat down, moving my tie out of the way.  “What is it?  Is Phaedra all right?  Is my son all right?”
“You asked about Phaedra first.”
“Orion, I’m not a fool.  I know how you feel about her.  You never made it a secret, and I have to say I respect you for it even though I don’t like it.  Phaedra’s great.  I love her.  She’s a wonderful woman and she makes me happy—”
“Why the fuck are you telling me this, CJ?”
“Let me finish, Orion.  Phaedra has made me happy in the time that we’ve been together.  Quintaz is a terrific kid.  I love both of them.  But I can’t compete with you.  I tried, but I can’t.  Since you came back, Phaedra is different.  She’s even more guarded and secretive than before.  Like she doesn’t want me to know that she’s still in love with you, but I’m not an idiot.  Maybe its best that you did come back, because now I know that she was never really mine, and I don’t deserve that.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You broke her heart, do you know that?”
I nodded.  “I do.  I broke my own in the process.”
“It took her a long time to get used to me.  It took her a long time to trust me.  I was patient because I could see the woman she is when she does trust.  And when she finally let me in, you showed up and I could no longer trust her.”
“CJ, I’m sorry about all of that.”  I was.  He wasn’t a bad guy.
He took a deep breath.  “I came here to tell you that I’m not going to marry Phaedra.  I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“Does she know?”
“She will soon enough.  I just made my decision.  I haven’t seen her today.”
“CJ, Phaedra loves you, and she doesn’t want me.”
“Doesn’t matter.  I’m not stupid.  I know she slept with you.  I know that if I marry her, she would cheat on me.  She’s drawn to you in a way that I don’t think she realizes.  I see it, but she won’t acknowledge it.  There is no point in pretending that everything will work itself out.  She’s been out of her mind getting ready for our wedding, and she refuses to talk about the situation, so I’m just going to make it easy for her.”
“CJ, she doesn’t want me.  She told me.”
“Do you want her?”
“Of course.”
He chuckled.  “Orion, if you break her heart again, I will come after you.  She doesn’t deserve to have you bail out on her again.  You’d better make sure your presence is permanent.”
“It is.”
He stood up and held out his hand.  I stood up and shook it.  “I appreciate you coming by, CJ.  I’m sorry about all this.”
“I am too,” he said, turning to walk out of my office.  “I love Phaedra.”

Monday morning, I called Phaedra and got her voice mail.  I called her office, and was told by one of the receptionists that she wasn’t at work.  I called her mother, Gina, who curtly informed me that Phaedra asked her to keep Orion Jr. for a couple of days.  I offered to pick him up, but she refused.  She stopped liking me the day I left Phaedra and I knew it would take a miracle for Gina Thornton to forgive me for hurting her daughter and grandson.
Worried, I left Jade’s and drove to Phaedra’s brownstone.  I knocked on her front door until my hand throbbed.   I was scared that something had happened to her, so I went around back and peeped in through the windows.  Then I took a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching, and then used my little ring of pocket tools to unlock her door.  I’d deal with the repercussions of breaking into her house later, but for right now Phaedra’s well-being was my only concern.  The back door led into the kitchen and I saw two small cake boxes sitting on the counter.  They were from a well-known baker and I wondered if they were samples of potential wedding cakes.  The wedding was supposed to be in two weeks.

I walked deeper into the apartment, down the hall to her bedroom.   She was in her bedroom, standing in front of the mirror.  She wore her wedding dress.
She turned and looked at me.  Her eyes were puffy.  “How did you get in here, Orion?”  Her voice was thick.
“I broke in through the back door, Phaedra.  You didn’t answer your phone, or the front door.  I knocked.  I knocked until I splintered my hand.”  I held it up for her to see.
Phaedra shook her head.  “Maybe it’s because I want to be alone, Orion.  Did you consider that?”
“I understand.  I just wanted to see if you’re all right.  I’ll leave you alone.”  However, I was dumbstruck at the sight of her. 
She turned back towards the mirror.  “I thought I should try it on before I sold it,” she said by way of explanation.
“You look magnificent,” I said, hesitant to move closer to her.   My hand ached and my knuckles were starting to bruise.
“So what?” she said, running a hand against the skirt.  “Doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t sell the dress, Phaedra.”
“What am I supposed to do with it, Orion?  I’m not getting married, so what in the hell should I do with it?”
“Save it.”
“For what?”
“For later.  You never know, Phaedra.  CJ might change his mind.”
Phaedra's wedding dress
She rolled her eyes.  “Even if he did, and even if I let him, you would do everything in your power to stop it from happening.  Don’t bullshit me.  This is partly your fault.”
I didn’t say anything. 
“What in the fuck did you think was going to happen when you came back into my life?”
“All I wanted was my family, Phaedra.  That’s what I was thinking about.”
Wedding shoes
She sighed and lifted the skirt.  “Do you like the shoes?  They made me five inches taller.  I could actually look CJ in the face instead of his neck.”
“He told me,” I said.  “He came by Jade’s and told me.”
“Hmmn,” she said, kicking off the heels.  “You men and your big-dick competitions.  I hate both of you.”
“I’m sorry, Phaedra.  What can I do?”
“If my son wasn’t in love with you; if your absence would have absolutely zero effect on him, then I would tell you to go away and leave us both alone forever.  Quintaz loves you.  He absolutely loves his Daddy and I will not hurt my son by banishing you from our lives.  But I’m hurt, Orion.  I know I didn’t help matters by sleeping with you.  I know a great deal of this is my fault.  Everything was going well for me before you came back.  Taz and I would have been happy with CJ.”
She turned to the side and looked in the mirror again.  “All that money gone to waste,” she murmured.
“Don’t get rid of the dress just yet, Phaedra.”
“I’m not marrying you, Orion.  And yet I know you won’t let me marry anybody else.  You will get in the way of any relationship I have with a man other than you.”  She sounded tired.
“No,” I said.  “I know it makes me a fucking bastard, but you belong to me, Phaedra.  And I belong to you.  I always have.  We can work it out.  Give me a chance, give us a chance.  Let our son have an opportunity at having a family.”
She stared at my reflection as I walked closer to her.  “Orion…”
“Let’s take it a day at a time.  You can set the pace and I’ll do whatever you want me to do.  I’ll do whatever you say, Phaedra.  All I know is that I will never, ever leave you or deliberately hurt you again.”
            Phaedra turned and looked at me.  “Orion…”
            I put my hands on her arms, wincing at the pain in my hand.  “Do you want me to beg?”
            She bit her lip and looked away.  “Orion, I don’t know.”
            “I’ll stay in my apartment and you can stay in yours.  We’ll start all over again.  We’ll date.  I’ll do all those things I did to get your attention initially.  I'll do whatever I need to make you fall in love with me again.  Tell me what you want me to do.”
            Phaedra looked down at her bare feet, then over her shoulder, and then finally at me.  “Orion…if I agree to this, then you will have to tell me everything you’ve done since you left me.  I don’t need some dark secret from that time creeping up on me five years from now and ruining mine and Taz’ lives for the second time.”

            I nodded my head, understanding that if she knew I was a member of the Ishiguro yakuza, she might leave me and take our child away.  But I would not lie to her, even if that were to happen.     It was a consequence and I would own it no matter what.
Phaedra turned around.  “Unzip me, Orion.  I’m exhausted.  I spent half the night crying and the other half wondering how I’m going to pay for a wedding that’s not going to happen.”
“I’ll pay for it,” I said as I unzipped her dress.  “Since it’s my fault.”  I resisted kissing her shoulder.  As much as I wanted to bring her into my arms and kiss her stupid, I couldn’t.  It wasn’t the right time; I didn’t know what Phaedra wanted.  She needed time to get over CJ’s deliberate jilt and if I was serious about being back with her, I had to give her the space she required.
She wore very pretty lingerie, but it was my swelling hand that got her attention.  Phaedra took it and looked at me.  “Did you splinter my door?”
I stared into her eyes.  “I was worried about you.”
She nodded.  “Go sit down.  Let me put something on real quick and I’ll bandage your hand.  And yeah, I’m not so righteous or independent that I won’t accept your offer.  I’ll make a list of everyone you need to pay, and pay them quickly, please.  I don’t want to get bills in the mail reminding me that I got jilted.”
I cradled my sore hand.  “I’ll run you a bath,” I said.  “Then you take a nap.  I’ll get you something to eat, and then we’ll talk.  I’ll tell you everything.  You might not like some of it, but I won’t keep anything from you, Phaedra.”
I went into the kitchen and sat down, closing my eyes.  My hand was swelling fast.  Phaedra came out of her bedroom, clad in a long T-shirt, carrying bandages and antiseptic.  She sat beside me and began methodically caring for my hand.

“I’m sure you’ve done things that I won’t like.  I mean, you left me when I was in labor.  I really didn’t like that, Orion.  As long as you tell me the truth, and tell me all of it, then I can deal with it.  I can handle it as long as I know what I’m up against.  Don’t try to protect me by keeping the truth from me.  I’m not fragile.  If I was, I would have never survived giving birth to your eight and a half-pound, twenty-one inch long baby boy, or the heartbreak of raising him alone.”
“Just so I know what I’m up against,” I said, “how long are you going to remind me of that?” I winced as she wiped down my scraped knuckles with alcohol pads. 
She gripped my hand hard enough for it to hurt and met my eyes.  “As long as I damn well want to, Orion Korematsu.”
“Fair enough,” I said.

She ended up lying down after bandaging my hand.  I removed my shoes, suit coat, tie and shirt and lay down with her.  Phaedra didn’t push me away when I scooted in beside her.
“I’m so tired,” she said.
“Go to sleep.”
“Taz is going to want to come home.  I haven’t seen him in a week.”
“I can go get him if you want.”
She yawned as I put my bandaged hand on her hip.  “Not just yet…and your hand better not move an inch, Orion.”
I rubbed my nose against her ear.  “Phaedra, I’m so horny for you.  I haven’t been with anyone but you, and just that one time.  I am not used to going this long without sex.  I’d better tell you this now.”
“Orion, we have a lot to work out…I’m not having sex with you.”
“I know,” I said.  “I’m not going to push you or anything like that, but you may as well know.”
She giggled.  “You haven’t changed completely; you were always a horny bastard.  If I hadn’t been on birth control, we would have had about four children.”
“Six,” I said, grateful for the levity of the moment.
“So if I happen to brush up against you, don’t be surprised…is what you’re saying?”
“Pretty much.”  I kissed the back of her ear.  “But I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.  Go to sleep.”

Sometime during our nap, she turned to face me and I woke up with her curled into me.  I sighed and kissed her forehead.  I decided that I’d have one of my guys deliver a nice spread of food from Jade’s, and Phaedra and I would have a nice meal and a long conversation.  I was going to tell her everything; everything I’d done since I joined up with the Ishiguros.  I owed her that.  She told me that she could handle anything if she knew it up front, and I hoped to God that it included my less-than-legitimate mob activities.
I scratched the back of her head and kissed her forehead again.  She opened her eyes and looked at me.  I stared at her.  Phaedra caressed my cheek and ran her thumb over my lip.  “You make such a liar out of me, Orion.  I’ll never forgive you for it.”
“I can live with that,” I said. 
 Phaedra kissed me and slid her arms around my neck.  She made love to me right there on top of the covers.  Our union was intense; she gripped my fingers as she rode me and wrapped her legs around me when I had her on her back.  She bit my shoulders, dug her nails into my back and buttocks, and pulled my hair.  It drove me crazy.  My body felt like it would burst; my heart overflowed with love for this woman.  From the way she held on to me and from the slight tears that trickled out of her eyes, I knew that Phaedra felt for me as strongly as I did her.  She made a man out of me; she made me whole.  I didn’t want to live without her, and I knew that I wouldn’t.  My name came out of her mouth in short, rapid spurts as she climaxed and I blissfully followed her into the void.  I adore you, Phaedra Thornton.  God knows I do. I would risk everything for the love of you.

A/N:  Okay, so this was more of a novel than a shortie.  I didn't intend for Phaedra and Orion to go past 50 pages, but what I never do is stifle the muse.  She told me that it would take more than 50 pages to tell their story, and she's never lied to me yet.  So for those of you that tuned in regularly, I appreciate your patience and thank you for your support.


"Precession," part 11

Part 11
            It was May, and the weather was glorious.  Business was booming and I spent as much time with Orion Jr. as my schedule allowed me.  I focused on my work and my son.  Inasmuch as I could, I kept my distance from Phaedra.  I made sure that our child was always in the room whenever we saw one another.  Orion Jr. served as a reasonably effective buffer, but what he could not do was stop us from staring at each other.  CJ was also present some of the time, and he kept Phaedra from looking at me, but it didn’t stop me.  I remembered all too well the episode in her bed.  CJ didn’t know how to fuck Phaedra, and eventually she would realize it.
Other than that, we were cordial and kept our discussions focused entirely on our son.  Phaedra was strong, but I knew that.  I knew she was going to fight her desire for me tooth and nail.  I knew that she was going to do everything in her power to keep her word and marry CJ.  Their wedding was planned for July, and part of me wondered if Phaedra would actually go through with it.  She was still in love with me, and she still desired me.  The afternoon we made love in her bed was evidence of that.  I wondered if she was able to have sex with CJ in that bed afterwards.  I knew that if I were to get her back, she wouldn’t want to be intimate with me in a bed where I’d slept with another woman.  In preparation for that, I bought a new mattress set and new sheets.
I really wanted to talk to her.  It was killing me to be around her and not be able to acknowledge anything.  I wanted Phaedra so much and part of me loathed that I had been stupid enough to bet that she wouldn’t cheat on CJ again.  Phaedra was stubborn, but I could be patient.  It was a matter of time.

School let out for the summer, and Orion Jr. was scheduled to spend three weeks at a summer camp for art students.   Phaedra had asked me if I would pay for it; the cost of the tuition had gone up, as well as the supplies he would need.  She was buying wedding stuff and couldn’t swing it.  I was more than happy to do it.  Then her parents would be taking him one weekend so that she could finish up her wedding plans.  The ceremony was supposed to be small and intimate; out by the lake.  I offered to have Jade’s cater, and Phaedra liked the idea but knew CJ wouldn’t approve.
So I worked.  Sadao and I spent a week in the southwest corner of the city; a territory that was up for grabs since a smaller, weaker clan had been ousted.  Seiichi wanted to open another restaurant.  Business was good.  My soldiers kept the territories safe and undesirables had tendencies to pack up and leave.  I confided in Seiichi about Phaedra, and he cautioned me that it was something I had to be sure of if I wanted her in my life.  The boss was married, as was the underboss, and it was sensible for their statures.  I could have a wife if I chose, and Seiichi reminded me about my loyalties.  I didn’t need the reminder, but I understood my place.  I loved being a member of the Ishiguro family; they had treated me very well.  But I didn’t know how to tell the love of my life that I worked for the Japanese mafia.  If Phaedra married CJ, then she never had to know.  I didn’t want her to marry CJ, and so I had that to think about.

Home working
I was home working one brilliant Thursday afternoon.  The weather was fabulous and I sat with the deck doors open and the sun shining through.  The pool was freshly cleaned and I thought I’d take a dip before getting lunch.  Since Nysha left, my apartment was a place of peace, made better only with the sounds of my son tumbling about.  I was very content with my life, even without sex on a regular basis.  But I knew that would change one way or the other.  Phaedra would realize that she didn’t want to hurt CJ and break off the wedding.  Or she would marry him and cheat on him repeatedly.  Both scenarios worked fine for me because I was the one she would be fucking, and I was the man she was truly in love with.  I did hope that Phaedra would see that it was better for all of us if she didn’t marry CJ.  He didn’t deserve to be betrayed, and he would be if she did.
The doorman buzzed my apartment.  “Mr. Korematsu, a Miss Thornton is here to see you.”
“Send her up.”
Surprise visit
A few minutes later, Phaedra entered my apartment, looking crazy delicious in a pale pink dress and sandals.  I stood at the door and she looked at me.  I didn’t recognize the look on her face.
“Sorry if I surprised you.  I should have called first.  Are you busy?  Do you have company?”
“I’m working but I can take a break.  Come sit in the living room.  Want something to drink?
“Water or cranberry juice, if you have it.”
I brought a tall glass of icy cranberry juice to her.  She sat on my couch, with her bare feet tucked under her legs.  I resumed my position.
“You’re barefoot.”
“I’m at home.”
“It’s sexy.”
I smiled.  “Really, Phaedra?”
“Orion, you know how you were.  But you’re different now.  You’re vibrant, bolder than you used to be.  When we were together in that tiny apartment, you didn’t walk around barefoot.  You didn’t challenge me like you’ve been doing, and you…you…”
“You haven’t interfered.”
“I said I wouldn’t.”
She seemed jittery; kept changing the position of her legs and looking around.  “I appreciate it.”
“How are the wedding plans coming?”
She sighed.  “I don’t even know.  I turned it over to my planner.  I just can’t take it anymore.”
I tapped a pen against my lips.  “Orion is at camp.  Why are you here?”
“Do you want me to leave?”
“I didn’t say that.  Your visit is just unexpected.”
“I just wanted to talk to you, Orion.”
“You know that you can call me anytime, Phaedra.  It would be safer, don’t you think?”
She looked past me to the pool.  “I didn’t know you had a pool.”
“I’m going swimming in an hour or so.”
Phaedra looked as if she wanted me to ask her to join me, but I was going to keep my word.  If this happened, it would be because of her.
“Answer my question, Phaedra.”
“What question?”
“You could have called me.  It’s safer for you to call me, don’t you think?  Since we really shouldn’t be alone together.”
“Orion, surely two adults can control themselves and behave civilly.”
“You call what we did that day civil?  I wanted to tie you to the bed.”
“My scarves were in my second drawer.  But really, O, should it be so black and white?”
“Your choice, Phaedra.  I’m doing it to respect your decision to marry CJ.  I said I’d stay away and I have.  But you’re here, now, and for no reason I can see, unless…”
She stood up.  “You’re right; I shouldn’t have come.  What was I thinking; that I could have a civil conversation with the father of my child?”
I stood up.  “Phaedra, if you want to talk, then let’s talk.  Sit back down.  We can talk.  I’m not going to jump you.”  Though I wondered if she was trying to test me with the length of that dress.  She knew I loved her legs.
Is she trying to entice her baby's father?
She sat back down.  “Orion, have you tried finding another girlfriend?”
“No.  I don’t want any woman but you, and remember, you don’t want any other woman around Orion Jr.”
“I think it would be easier for you if you had someone.  You deserve a good woman who will love you and who will love Taz.  And who will give you more children.  If I remember correctly, you wanted a son and a daughter.”
I glared at her.  “Phaedra, I have no interest in siring a bunch of children with a bunch of random women.  Any kids I might want will all have the same mother.  That means you.  So, unless CJ doesn’t mind me getting you pregnant, I won’t be having any more kids.”
“A girlfriend, then.”
“Are you trying to make yourself feel better?”
“No, O.  I’m just trying to make sure we come out of this happy and whole.  We need to be for Quintaz’ sake.  I need our son to be happy.”
“What makes you think he wouldn’t be?”
She looked at me.  “He told me that he wants me to be with you; that he and his Mommy should live with his Daddy.  He told CJ that he would still be his friend, but that he wanted to live with his Mommy and Daddy.  CJ is furious.”
“Orion has an opinion, Phaedra.  CJ needs to respect it, even if he doesn’t like it.  He told me the same thing, but I told him you were marrying CJ.”
“I sat him down and told him too.  CJ and I explained it and what it would mean.”
“Is he starting to act out?”
“No, he’s been a perfectly good boy.  I’m just afraid he might start.  Taz is becoming bolder by the week.”
“You don’t think I put him up to this, do you?”
“No.  I give you more credit than that, Orion.  You’re not malicious.”
“What do you want to do about it?”
“I need Taz to accept the fact that he has two daddies.  CJ loves him and will help me raise him.”
“To be honest, I’m not crazy about that idea, Phaedra.  I know I came in out of nowhere when your relationship with CJ was already established.  But I’m the only man qualified to raise my son.”
I stood up.  “Why did you come here, Phaedra?  Is it to argue about something as minor as this?  We’ve dealt with it fine so far; it can’t be an issue now.  You’re getting married in like, a month.  What do you really want?”
Phaedra put her head in her hands and snuffled.  “CJ thinks I cheated on him.”
“You did.  Don’t you remember?  I do, panties and all.” 
Her cheeks bloomed with color.  “I lied and told him he was being paranoid, but he doesn’t believe me.”
“I hope you’re not expecting me to comfort you, Phaedra.  I told you that you were going to hurt him if you continued this charade.  That one’s on you, baby.”
“Don’t remind me, Orion!”
“Why does he think you cheated?”
“I won’t have sex with him in my bed.”
“Hm,” I said.
“I can’t.  All I can see whenever I look at my bed is us.  I can’t believe I let that happen!”
“Can you have sex with him anywhere else in the house?”
“I could, but the location of Taz’ bedroom makes it problematic.  He could walk out to go pee and see us.”
“He’s seen you already.  Not fucking, but kissing, and CJ playing with your titties.”
“He told me.”
“Oh shit, oh no!”
“I told him that he shouldn’t spy on you and he said he didn’t mean to.  He told me the first weekend he was here, and that was how the subject of kissing came up.  He told me that CJ liked kissing you.”
Phaedra wailed and covered her face.
“Don’t be embarrassed, Phaedra.  I’m positive he has not seen you again.  He promised me that he wouldn’t look if he had to go to the bathroom.”
“You know, Orion…my life was fine until you came back.  You came back and ruined everything.”
“Perhaps.  But we made a bet, a deal.  I stay out of it and let you have the life you think you want, or you realize the only life you really want is one with me.  You and CJ can make this work if you want it to.  He can’t prove that we fucked, and you’ll have to convince him that we didn’t if you expect for that relationship to work.  Sorry baby, but that one’s on you too.”
“You’re a fucking asshole, Orion!  I HATE I ever met you!  I wish you had never ever ever come back!  Why didn’t you just stay away?  Why did you come back?”
“I love you.  I love my son.  I want us to be a family.”
“You make it sound so Dick and Jane.”
“It is.  You’re the one complicating things.  I got rid of my girl when I was certain of your feelings for me.  You didn’t get rid of your boy, not even when you became certain of your feelings for me.  And where do they lead you?  Into my arms, as they should.  That was why we agreed to keep a distance, so that we wouldn’t fall into bed.  But you’re here, and you look wonderful and you smell great, and all I can think about is the warmth and sweetness of your…”
“You came here because you want me.  You came here because you don’t want CJ.  You came here to lose the bet.  Tell me the truth so we can deal with this and move on, baby.”
Phaedra stood up, swiping at her cheeks.  “I’m leaving.  I’m sorry I ever stopped by.”
I remained sitting; it was going to be a test of wills.  What I wanted to do was pick her up and take her to bed again.  But then that took the responsibility of handling her situation out of her hands.  She had to choose and I had to make her do it.  It didn’t mean that I wouldn’t have sex with her if she chose to marry CJ, but I did want her to understand that the choice to betray him was all hers.
She stood by the window, staring over the horizon.  “Why did you come back?”
“I told you.  I could no longer stand by and watch you raise our son alone.  When I knew I could be an asset and not a detriment, I returned.  When I knew I could assume full responsibility of you and of our child, I came back.  When I knew I was worthy, I returned.  And I’m not leaving.  I’m going to be around, Phaedra.  You have to decide if you’re going to hurt CJ for a little while or for a long time.  That’s what this boils down to: what you want.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“The truth.”
“I love CJ.”
“Uh-huh.  And?”
She sighed.  “Orion, you know that I still have feelings for you, as much as I don’t want them.”
“Do you love me, Phaedra?”
She continued looking out of the window.  “I hated you; I wished death upon you many times; I regretted ever laying eyes on you, and sometimes I hated I had your baby.  I hated you because you broke my heart.  You can’t hate anyone if you don’t love them first.”
“Stop being evasive, please.”
“You’re an evil bastard and I hope you rot in hell.  Yes, Orion.  I love you.  But I won’t be with you.” 
“Phaedra, don’t be difficult.”
Phaedra looked at me.  “I won’t be back.  I’m sorry I came here in the first place.  I don’t know what I was thinking, Orion.  I was a fool to believe…”
She turned and walked out of my apartment.  I didn’t move, but I gripped my pen so tight that it snapped.  

This pic is too good not to use again.


"Precession," part 10

Part 10   RATING:  NC-17.  I know; finally!
          Phaedra has always been sweet to me.  I can’t describe the taste of her; there’s no fruit, candy or any other substance that I can recall that would come close to her innate sweetness.  All I knew was that I craved it.  I pushed her against the refrigerator and pulled her hands above her head.  She kissed me just as fervently as I kissed her; there was nothing honeyed or saccharine about the way our tongues dueled.  She kept her hands above her head; there was nothing within my reach that I could use to tie her wrists together, and I wasn’t about to step away from her to find kitchen twine.  She wanted me; I wanted her and time was of the essence.  There was no telling how long Orion Jr. would sleep and there was no guarantee that he wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom.  I knew Phaedra would be mortified to know our son had seen her making out with CJ; but he did not need to see us like this.
          I picked her up and asked between kisses, “Where’s your bedroom?”
          She responded in kind, “Down the hall on the left.”
          It might have taken ten seconds for me to traverse the distance from the kitchen to Phaedra’s bedroom.  I didn’t know because I was too preoccupied with her mouth.  I kicked the door closed with my foot and crossed her room in two long strides.  We sank into the bed, devouring each other and she clawed at my shirt, popping buttons and yanking seams.  I pushed up to remove it and my T-shirt and she pulled off her own.
          She made me wish I had two mouths and four hands.  I wanted to taste her mouth and her breasts, and I wanted my hands everywhere.  She was hot to the touch and her breasts were twin mounds of chocolate capped off with dark truffle-like nipples.  Her skin was both salty and sweet and her nipples were hard little nubs that drove me crazy.  I buried my face in her cleavage and stroked her breasts and thought that the very feel of Phaedra underneath me would send me into climax.  Her navel was a perfect little dip and I stuck my tongue in it.
          “Orion…omigod…!”  Her hips wiggled and she put her legs around me.    “Orion…”
          I adjusted and pulled up beside her to kiss her once more.  She wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled me down. I broke off and sucked my two middle fingers.  Then, staring into her eyes before claiming her mouth again, I slipped my hand underneath her jeans and between her legs.  She arched and spread, allowing me inside.  An “Oh!” of guttural pleasure escaped her and she pulled me down to kiss me again.
          Phaedra was so wet; it was like warm water running over my fingers.  Her moans of pleasure were muted by my hungry, seeking mouth and she bucked her hips in time to my fingers.  Her ass rubbed against my groin and shallow breaths escaped me.  I was so horny for her.  I could come from this alone as long as she…didn’t…stop…
          “Orion, oh baby…” she said.  “Oh baby…oh baby…you’re going to make me come…”
          I took a brief second to mentally ridicule and then thank CJ.  I don’t know what sane man would leave a woman like Phaedra sexually deprived, but his loss was my gain.  I pushed my thumb into her clit and ground it in tight little circles and she let me go and threw her head back.  Her body seemed to move on its own and the sounds she made drove me mad.  She grabbed the covers and groaned at her release.
          I gave her a moment to get right while licking my fingers.  It was just a sample, a teaser.  She looked at me.  “Orion…”
          I moved again, straddling her, and started removing her jeans.  Phaedra rose up on her arms and stared at me.  I pulled them down and off, and slipped my fingers underneath her panties.
          “Lift for me,” I said, meeting her eyes.  “I need to taste you, Phaedra.”
          She raised her hips and smiled at me as I ran the crotch of her panties over my face.  “I love the way you smell; I’ve missed it.”
          “You flatter me,” she said as I dropped kisses on her inner thighs.
          “I think you know better,” I teased before splitting her pussy lips with parted fingers.  “You know how much I love your pink pearl.”
          “It’s something I tried to forget,” she said, rising up on her arms.  I looked at her and she was staring at me.  “I couldn’t forget it all, Orion…no matter how much I tried.”
          I kissed the insides of Phaedra’s thighs and buried my face in the beautiful brown sweetness of her.  She quickly remembered that I had a fantastically long tongue and I liked to nibble.  There was no shortage of weapons in my sexual arsenal, and I was willing to whip out every one I had to please her.  If winning her heart meant I had to cheat, then I would.  The sensation and taste of Phaedra was sublime.  The sounds that escaped her were nothing but fuel for my desire, and she encouraged me to taste her as deeply and as intensely as I could; as if reminding me what a fool I had been to leave all of this good stuff. 
            A real man understands how to read a woman’s nonverbal cues when it comes to giving head.  When she grabs his head and pushes his face deeper into her, then he isn’t licking hard enough and she needs more pressure.  Apparently, two years of eating Nysha out had warped my tongue because Phaedra held me firmly by the back of my head and pushed my face deeper between her thighs.  I had no problems suffocating myself in the wet heat of her, but it was her pleasure I sought so I licked harder.  The way she liked it was for me to put the pink pearl at the tip of my tongue and work my way up in a single stroke.  It certainly got results; Phaedra arched and her thighs clenched around my head.   For added pleasure, I repeated the move, but with the back of my tongue and allowed the membrane to graze over the pearl.  Phaedra’s fingers slid through my hair, she emitted some sort of strangled sigh, and I glanced up long enough to see her playing with one of her nipples.  It was a sign that I was doing her right, just the way I should.  I didn’t forget a thing.
She tossed her legs over my shoulders, and I, in my insanity, grabbed her thighs and rose up on my knees, pulling her with me.  She locked her legs around my head as I started sucking and kissing her lips.  I could die a happy man with her smothering me like this.  I felt her tremble in successive waves and then she hissed and arched her back when I hit her spot and she squirted. 
I let her down easy, gently kissing as she sank into the bed.
            “Orion,” she said.  “You remembered.”
            “Tell me you got condoms,” I said.
            She pointed at the nightstand.  “There.”
            In seconds, I had my pants unzipped and my cock free, and she was helping me put the condom on.
            “Good girl,” I said.  “But I don’t need any help with this.”
            “Then you’d better hurry up and get it on before I come to my senses.”
            “In that case…”
            She welcomed me like a new lover, and even though we weren’t, she felt like it.  I didn’t have it in me to take my time, and that was good because Phaedra and I were never slow about sex.  She liked to be fucked, and I liked fucking her.  That was what we did, and we made it as interesting and inventive as possible.   This being a spontaneous event, we had to improvise.  Phaedra had one of those bed-seats, and after thirty seconds of rapid missionary banging, she told me to move and stand up.  She quickly pushed the bed-seat to the edge of the bed, flipped it over, and lay across it.  She handed me her panties and I smiled at her.  Phaedra folded her arms around her back and I tied her wrists together with the thin scrap of fabric.  Her body rose at an angle and put her delectable ass at the same height as my groin.  It was good because I’m tall, and when I slipped back in at that position, it was all I could do to keep from exploding.  Phaedra buried her face in the covers and screamed her pleasure.  I did my best to keep my own sounds muffled; it was a futile effort because Phaedra felt so good, but I didn’t want to wake our child.  I couldn’t help smacking her ass and watching it jiggle.
            “Orion, smack me again,” she said, arching her back.  “Orion, please…”
            I knew my girl; I knew her inside and out, what she liked, what she wanted, what she required.  I leaned forward as she pushed up and I slid my hand around her neck to squeeze her throat.
            “Yeah,” she commanded, pushing into me and I knew my climax wasn’t far off.  “Do it, do it now…!”
            I yanked her head back and squeezed her throat and she arched that perfect ass up in such a way that her sugar walls clamped down on my dick like a vise and I exploded.  Her juice ran down the insides of her legs and she keened into the bed.  In seconds we were both coming off an exquisite, unbelievable high.  Phaedra rolled off the bed-seat and I got on the bed beside her, doing my damnedest not to collapse.  She turned away from me and I pulled her close as I tried to slow my pounding heart.  Minutes passed and we lay together, and it was just like old times.  I might have even dozed.  I didn’t want to leave her.  No woman could make me come as fast or as hard as Phaedra could.  There was simply no point in settling for anything less than her.
            After some time, she said:  “This means nothing.”
            “This.  I allowed it to happen because I needed it, and you were always fantastic in bed.  I knew you would get me off.  But sex is all this is.  It doesn’t mean we’re back together.  I love CJ, and it’s him I want to be with.”
            I stiffened.  Her words cut me deep.
            “Orion, do you hear me?”
            I had my hand on her waist and I squeezed it hard enough to bruise.  “So what you’re saying is that you’re going to be cheating on your husband?”
            “That’s not what I said.  This was a one-time thing, Orion.”
            I chuckled.  “That’s what you think, Phaedra.  Obviously you remember how good we are together.  One time is all it takes, and next thing you know, you’re calling me over regularly, and you know I’ll stop what I’m doing and come running.”
            “That won’t happen.  CJ satisfies me.”
            “If you say so.  I meant what I said, Phaedra.  I don’t care if you do marry CJ.  I’m not going anywhere.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let you just use my dick as stress relief.  I’m not going to be your boy toy.  You know I want more, and you know that means you’re going to be cheating on him, and more than just physically.  We both know this.”
            “I’m not going to cheat on CJ.”
            “You just did.”
            “It was just sex.  I won’t do it again.”
            “Want to bet?”
            “Don’t be an asshole, Orion.”
            “Don’t be na├»ve, Phaedra.  That was way more than just sex.  Tell you what, I’ll step back, keep my distance.  I’ll restrict myself to Orion Jr.  I won’t say anything about being together or anything like that.  I’ll let it go.  You go on and see if you can try to make a life with CJ.  If you can, then you will.  But if you can’t, you’re coming with me.”
            She turned over.  “With you how?”
            “You’ll be with me, and not just as my girlfriend.  I want you to be my wife.  I want to marry you.  You know we need to be together.”
            “Orion, there is too much unresolved stuff between us for me to up and marry you just because you know how to make me come.  Great sex does not a happy marriage make.  I don’t trust you.”
            “You trusted me to fuck you properly.  We can build on that,” I said.
            She sighed.  “I don’t know where you’ve been or what you’ve done for the past six years, and I don’t need any more surprises.  You’ve probably got another kid.”
            “No, I don’t.  We’ll resolve our issues, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to earn your trust, and then we’ll get married.  It’ll make Orion Jr. happy.  He told me this weekend that Mommies and Daddies should live together.”
            “His name is Quintaz, and it doesn’t matter because I’m marrying CJ.”
            “Are you willing to bet?”
            “This is stupid,” she said, sitting up.  “I need to take a shower and make dinner for my son—”
            I took hold of her elbow.  “If it’s stupid and you know it’s CJ you want, then why not indulge me and make a fool out of me?”
            Phaedra looked at me and her eyes softened.  “Is that what you want?”
            I caressed her elbow.  “What I want is you, and I’ll do what it takes to get you, Phaedra.  Deal?”
            She leaned forward and wiped something off my lips.  “You’ve got lipstick all over your mouth.”
            I kissed the pad of her thumb.  “What do you say, Phaedra?  If this is it, then it will be it, and I’ll never say another word about it.  I’ll buy you and CJ a wedding present and you’ll have my blessing.  But if it’s not it; if something leads you back to me…even a platonic kiss…then you’re mine and CJ’s gone for good.”
            She ran her thumb over my bottom lip, presumably to remove the rest of the lipstick.  “All right then, Orion.”