Coda

 Dear Dark Dilettantes,

I’ve been thinking for a while about how to write this post, or whether I should write it at all. But silence has never been my language, and this space has never deserved an abrupt fade to black.

So let me say this plainly: I haven’t disappeared. I’ve transformed.

Musings in the Dark was born in an era when I needed a place to explore anything and everything: desire, darkness, grief, creativity, identity, fandom politics, and the strange corners of the human psyche. This blog held me through some of the most intense and chaotic years of my life. It gave me room to be honest, messy, experimental, vulnerable, and wild.

And many of you, especially the faithful few who always showed up (Shana, I see you), walked with me through all of it. You never asked for explanations. You never demanded updates. You just read, breathed, and understood. This will always mean something to me.

But my life has shifted. My work has deepened and consolidated. These days, every part of my writing– every spark, every question, every ounce of creative gravity–belongs to a single world, a single saga, a single calling: Entropy. It has taken shape and life and turned from one book into a nine-volume saga. I’m finally creating a work I was built for, and it takes all of me. And because of that, this blog has grown quiet. Not for lack of love, but because I no longer need this particular room in the house.

This isn’t an ending, exactly.  It’s a placement; an acknowledgment that Musings in the Dark has completed its arc.

I am formally archiving the blog. Nothing will be deleted. The essays, reflections, fragments, and shadows stay exactly where they are; for the readers who wander through years from now, for the curious ones who trace a writer backward, and for the one or two faithful souls who always wonder where the trail goes.

If you’re reading this, know this much: I’m still writing. I’m still dreaming. I’m still here — just in a different chapter. The Muse hasn’t left. She’s just more focused…and if she ever drags me out for a side quest, the story blogs (Shorties & pinkelegance) remain open for her whims. But do expect Entropy to hit the shelves at some point.

Thank you, Dilettantes, for walking with me through the shadows.

With gratitude and much, much love,

Amaya

This Year's Horror Celebration

Hey Dilettantes!

This has been a busy time for me. I had to have oral surgery a couple of weeks ago to remove an infection under one of my molars. I'm still lost as to how that could have happened, but I'm definitely feeling much better now.

It's October and you know what that means. I had this year's topic selected after I completed last year's celebration. I knew how I wanted to present the information and was excited about it. Unfortunately for me, I've been suffering from massive writer's block for the better part of a year. I can barely write a single word, which is one of the reasons I haven't been blogging much. Entropy, my current project, is languishing in my Google Docs, waiting for me to write something other than the words "Chapter 1."  

The writer's block has also affected this year's Halloween celebration. I'm simply not inspired to write on the topic I chose--at least not this year. And because I can't, I'm not going to force the issue. What I think I'll focus on instead--and what may work best for my current state of mind--is posting random entries, similar to what I did for Horror 101.  

I can tell you that some of the posts will focus on certain YouTube content creators that I've been following for several years and don't think I've ever mentioned here in the Dark. But that's about all I can say. I do hope to meet my self-imposed count of 10 posts, but we will see what happens.

Happy Halloween, Dark Dilettantes! I hope you enjoy whatever it is I'm about to post. And here's hoping it helps my writer's block.

My X-Files Tribute

Hey Dilettantes!  Welcome to my second annual science fiction celebration!  This year, I will pay homage to one of my favorite shows of all time, Chris Carter’s magnum opus, The X-Files.  I got hip to it in college and it got my full attention. Back then, the show aired on Friday nights at 9:00 p.m., on Fox. The X-Files was such a cool show and it appealed to me in ways most shows didn’t. You might say that it helped shape the way I think about certain things. Either way, I was a die-hard X-Phile. The episodes were just so…weird.

The first ep I recall watching was S1E14’s “GenderBender,” which was about a series of homicides committed by a being who could switch between female and male forms. I was hanging out in a friend’s room and asked her roommate what she was watching and she told me. I recall Mulder’s last words to Scully for that episode: “…they have no earthly means of transportation!”

I started watching the following Friday and it did not take long for me to get hooked. I was all in with Mulder & Scully, and eventually I got my hands on the episodes I missed and watched them as soon as I could. And eventually, I bought the entire series (well, the first 9 seasons) on DVD.  I still have my collector cards that came with the purchase. This show (the first run, at least) was legendary.

So I’m going to spend the month of March 2022 celebrating my most favorite episodes of The X-Files.  Join me, if you will…

Also, spoiler alert!

Devil's Siren

I am pleased to announce the publication of the long-awaited novel Devil's Siren. It took what amounted to ten years between the time of conception and final publication. It's got a brand-new cover, created by the super-talented DNogitsune, and I am immensely pleased with how well it turned out.

Ravana Davide is a businesswoman notorious for being an ice queen.  Her life—replete with fast cars, fabulous clothes, and oceanfront property—is a lonely one. After a particularly cold business transaction, Ravana learns that she isn’t alone and never has been. She’s been guarded and protected by Nazar, a powerful demon who is now ready to claim her as his bride. Ravana is hesitant, but Nazar convinces her of the life she could have…especially now that Corson, Nazar’s ancient rival, is in the mix with plans to claim her as well. But Ravana isn’t so keen to leave her fate in the clutches of demons.

Get your copy here for $3.99. Thank you, Dilettantes, for all of your support.

Fic Update Alert!

The last chapter (of the first half) of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption...finally.

About two minutes later, Trey knocked on the door before opening it and walking in.  “Princess?”

Shantreyl turned to look at him.  “Hey Daddy.  I’m ready.”

Trey stood there, staring at her.  Memories of Shantreyl as a little girl flooded his mind and he blinked rapidly, pushing back sudden tears.  A long moment passed.  Trey put a hand over his heart.  “I’m not.  Princess, you look magnificent.  You are a vision to behold.” He coughed and patted his chest.  “I’m not ready for this.  I’m not ready to give my baby girl away.”

“Too late, Daddy.”

“I know,” he said, holding out his arm.  “I know.  Come on, we need to go.”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 20 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  I'm almost done with this bad boy...I honestly didn't expect it to be this long (it's a novel at this point), but the Muse is speaking to me and I'll keep on until she's done...which I am 85% sure that she will be with one more chapter.


“I understand that Shantreyl is your sister and you have a dynamic.  But as long as I’m with her—and I intend to be until death do us part—don’t you ever talk to her like that again.  I don’t give a good goddamn about anyone’s feelings at this table except hers, and this is the second time you’ve disrespected her in front of me.  I will not put up with it.  You’re here on my dime at her request, so the least you can do is show her some respect.  If you find that you can’t do that, then you are welcome—even encouraged—to leave my hotel immediately and find your own way back home.”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 19 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  Happy Holidays, Dark Dilettantes!

Shantreyl knocked on the door of one of the Vermilion’s Presidential Suites, yawning and rubbing her lower back.  She was tired and left work as soon as her last class was done.  Earlier, she received a text from her mother informing her that they had arrived and Shantreyl was excited to see her parents.  She hadn’t been home in three years. 

A moment later, Shannon Troy opened the door and screamed when she saw her youngest daughter.  She held out her arms.  Shantreyl grabbed and held her mother tight, feeling warmth flow over and through her the way it always did when her mother hugged her.  Her eyes got misty because it had been a long time since the last maternal hug.  “I’m so glad to see you, Momma.  I’ve missed you so much.”

Fic Update Alert!!!

Chapter 18 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.  Enjoy.  

Malcolm shrugged. “Shantreyl, would you be willing to sell this townhouse to my mother after we move if we stay in Siren Heights?”

Shantreyl looked at him, startled at the request.  “I guess so.  Will she like it?”

“I’m sure she will.  You have a nice place,” Kaphiri said.  “And there’s plenty of room in case she decides to let Pretty Ricky move in.”

“Fuck all that shit,” Malcolm said.  “He’s not moving into a goddamned thing.”

“They don’t live together?” Shantreyl asked.

“No.  Mama is old-fashioned; she doesn’t believe in shacking up.  Rick comes to visit, but he goes home at night.”

Kaphiri kept on.  “Betcha not every night.”

Malcolm glared at his friend.  “Asshole.”

Kaphiri smiled and finished off his drink.  “Get over it, Malcolm.  Pretty Ricky is fucking the shit out of your mama and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.  Rick’s laying that pipe.  That’s why Mama Marion is so happy all the time.  He’s doing what a man is supposed to do.”

Shantreyl giggled.  She couldn’t help it.  The thought of Pretty Ricky sexing the shit out of Malcolm’s mother was funny as hell; even more so because Malcolm didn’t like it.

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 17 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.  Enjoy.

"Marion went silent, closing her eyes and pressing her hands together.

“Mrs. Sullivan?”  Shantreyl put a hand on her arm.  “Mrs. Sullivan?  Malcolm?”

“Give her a moment,” he said.  “I’ll be right back.”

Shantreyl nodded, but kept her eyes on his mother.  “Mrs. Sullivan?”

Marion opened her eyes—Malcolm’s eyes—and they were full of tears.  She put a hand over her heart and gave Shantreyl the biggest smile her face was capable of."

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 16 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready.  Do enjoy.

“Your father filled in the blanks,” Kaphiri said.  “He was furious with the way your last relationship ended and how heartbroken you were.  He said, ‘If you are not 100% serious about being with my daughter, leave her alone now.  Right now.  If you don’t plan to keep my princess on a pedestal; if you can’t keep up after you’ve stepped up, end it.  If you hurt her, I will fly out there and invite you out to the nearest parking lot.  Do you understand me, young man?’”

“Daddy said that?”

“Word for word,” Malcolm said.  “And I believe him.  I don’t want him mad at me; I don’t want to be invited out to anybody’s parking lot.”

“Me either,” Kaphiri said.  “Pops looks like he’s good with his hands.”

Shantreyl smiled proudly.  “That’s my Daddy,” she said.

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 15 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.

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Nyx came out and refilled Malcolm’s coffee cup.  “More juice, Kap?  Shantreyl?”

“Yes,” they both said and she smiled.  “Everything okay, Shantreyl?”

“This is absolutely delightful,” she said.  “Everything is so good.”

“I like hearing that,” Nyx replied.  “I work hard.”

“Have you given any more thought to my suggestion of opening a bar next door, Nyx?” Malcolm asked.

“I have,” she said.  “And yes, I’ll do it.  I do like the idea of owning this corner of the block.”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 14 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.  Enjoy.

Shantreyl stared at Malcolm as he massaged her foot.  “What is it?  What do you want to know?”

“What do you think of Kaphiri?  Honestly.”

Shantreyl made a face.  “Why are you asking?”

“Answer the question first.”

“I like him,” she said.  “He’s very nice, very interesting.  He’s a gentleman, same as you are, and he’s very attractive.”

Malcolm didn’t miss a beat in kneading her foot.  “Do you want to fuck him?”

Fic Update Alert!!

Chapter 13 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  Do enjoy.
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“You sure you’re okay, Shan?  You looked strange when he brought you back here.  What happened?”

She made a face.  “I’m fine.  I met one of Malcolm’s brothers and he slapped me on the ass.”

Jaya’s mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ and Renee leaned forward, saying, “The fuck?”

“I’m all right,” she said.  “Kaphiri saved me.  He called me a bitch and Kaphiri punched him in the face.”

“Where he at?” Renee said, standing up, fists balled.  “I got his bitch right here in these hands.”

Fic Update Alert!!

Chapter 12 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  Enjoy!

“This is my armory,” he said.  “I don’t know if Malcolm told you, but I used to be an Army Ranger.  I was in the military for over ten years; I enlisted after I graduated from college.  I’m a collector.”

Shantreyl was staring at a gun that was damn near as long as she was tall.  “What is this?”

“That’s a Barrett M82A1.”

“And this one?”  She pointed to the one beneath it.

“That one is an Armalite AR-50.”

“You like big guns,” she said.

“Not just big ones.  Keep walking.”

She began walking down the length of the room, staring at all of the guns in the cases.  He had big ones, medium-sized ones and small ones.

“Did you like it?  Being in the military?”

“I was very good at what I did and I appreciate everything I learned in the Army.  It’s been a useful skill set.”

She stopped and gazed at a rack of handguns.  He had to have at least ten in this case alone.  “How does being an Army Ranger help you run a casino?”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 11 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.  Sorry for the delay.  I've been super-busy and super-distracted since June.  Hopefully there will be no more interruptions.

“Malcolm told me that you aren’t married, that you don’t date and that you get what you need from the Zodiac’s pleasure house.  You mean to tell me that a man as fine as you are can’t find an appropriate mate?”

“I’m sure I could if I actually tried,” he said. “But I can’t deal with all of the drama that goes along with it. Vetting people to be in one’s life can be exhausting.  I don’t know how Malcolm does it. I don’t have the patience. The first time someone lies to me, I’m out.”

“You’re not even willing to have a fuck buddy?”

“I go to the Zodiac for that.  I can get whatever kind of sex I want from anybody I want, no strings attached.”

Fic Update Alert!!

Chapter 10 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading!

“How many women have you dated?”

“Seriously?  Two or three, but it never worked out.  I was too busy trying to grow my business.  Now that everything’s stable, I’m ready for that next step.”

“So you got yourself snipped so that the women you dated wouldn’t trap you with a child?”

“Precisely.  A couple of them tried to, which let me know they were fooling around with other men while they were with me.  They weren’t happy to learn that I had a vasectomy and knew without a doubt that their pregnancy tests were either fake or the result of them fucking other men.”

“Really, Malcolm?”

“Really.  My status as a businessman and hotel/casino owner affords me a particular lifestyle; one that certain types of women want.  I make a whole lot of money and some women see that and start plotting a way to get their hands on my bank accounts, be it fair or foul.”

She looked up at him.  “Wait.  Hold up.  Are you saying that you own the Vermilion?  You don’t just manage it; you own it?”

“Yes, and the Solar Fountain, and some other businesses under the name Sullivan Parker Incorporated.”

Fic Update Alert!!

Chapter 9 of "Switchblade Romance" is available for reading.

“Malcolm and I run our business a certain way.  Naren will be out of a job come Tuesday.”

Shantreyl gasped.  “No!  Don’t fire him!”

“He’s unable to do his job.  The management team was given explicit instructions to leave Malcolm alone when you arrived.  This was supposed to be your time and your time only.  Malcolm’s not here because the lead manager is incapable of completing a task.  You’re bothered by it; I can tell from the look in your eyes.  Let me be the first to tell you that Malcolm isn’t pleased when you’re displeased.  I know your relationship is in its infancy, but he doesn’t like it when you’re unhappy or angry.  He prefers for a smile to be on your face when he sees you.  Having laid eyes on you, I can’t fault him for that.”

“But I don’t want that poor man to lose his job.  He sounded nervous.”

“Of course he did.  He demonstrated his inability to handle a situation in front of both of his bosses.  He knows what’s going to happen.”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 8 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for consumption.

“We’ll figure something out, baby.  I can hear you getting agitated.  Calm down.  Tell me, what are you doing this Saturday?”

“I haven’t made any plans.”

“I would like to invite you to have dinner with me at the Vermilion.  There are three in-house restaurants: Medallion, Embers and Carnival.  They specialize in different cuisines.  Embers is a Brazilian steakhouse, Medallion is a French restaurant, and Carnival is featuring Italian this week.  Which would you prefer?”

“I’ve never eaten at a Brazilian steakhouse.  I’d like to try that.”

Fic Update Alert!

Chapter 7 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  Do enjoy.


"Malcolm shrugged.  “One day, I woke up next to Donna and I just sat in bed, staring at her and at the confines of my bedroom.  Our clothes were all over the floor and I was thinking about everything outside of sex.  Then she woke up, went to the bathroom and I watched her spend about ten minutes in the mirror, fixing her hair and her face before coming back to the bed.  She grabbed my dick, but I couldn’t muster up enough interest to get hard.  All I could think about was how nice it would be to wake up next to a woman who’s not a fashion plate and how cool it would be to have a son or daughter rush into the room and jump in the bed with us.  Donna started talking about something—I don’t know what—and when she didn’t get the response she hoped, she got mad and got out of bed.  I didn’t say anything.  I just watched her put her clothes on as she yelled at me.  I didn’t know what she was screaming about.  I offered to call her an Uber, and she got even madder and stormed out.  I knew then that something in me was different and I wanted a stable relationship with a woman who is real in the ways Donna and her ilk aren’t.”"

Fic Update Alert!!

Chapter 6 of "Switchblade Romance" is ready for reading.  Enjoy.
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Malcolm nodded.  “So, tell me about your two friends.  They seem like chill people.”

Shantreyl smiled; glad to change the subject.  “They are.  Jaya’s the one who wore the pink and white Adidas suit.  She teaches math and science at Bruce Lee Elementary in Ashwood.  We met thirteen years ago; we were both teachers at Siren Heights Middle School.  Jaya taught sixth grade math and I taught sixth grade science.  We’ve been thick as thieves ever since.  The one in Cross Colours is her wife, Renee.  Renee is a forensic sculptor; she does sculptures of missing people and is an on-call police sketch artist.  She’s in high demand because she’s so damn talented and her work always leads to instant victim identification.”

“Really?” Malcolm said.

“Really.  Jaya and Renee knew each other in high school; reconnected ten years ago and got married eight years ago.  They’re so happy and so in love, and they’re expecting.”

“I imagine they want the same for you,” he said, getting off the highway. 

“They do.  When I told them about the gifts you sent, they were so thrilled.  It was Renee’s idea that we go to the Zodiac that night.  It was Jaya’s idea that I have a one-night stand.  They were so elated when you invited me up to the VIP.”