Musings in the Dark: March 2011


"Precession," part 4

Part 1                                  

Phaedra and I worked out the days of the week I would get to visit Orion Jr.; Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays.  I was no fool; I knew if I missed one visit, she would revoke my privileges and I would never see my son again.  As a result, I made sure that any business I had to conduct did not take place anywhere around the time I was scheduled to visit.  It was easy to arrange.  My place of business was Jade’s, an Ishiguro-owned bar & grill on the corner of First Street and Prince Avenue.  I was the manager of the restaurant, which was a legitimate front for other things.  Sadao was willing and able to run things for me, especially when he learned that I had a chance to get to know my son.
          Nysha was another matter.   One evening, about four weeks after I started visiting Orion Jr., she was parading around our bedroom in a slinky black lace ensemble, made up to the nines even though it was almost midnight.  I hadn’t had the desire to have sex with her in about a week, ever since I overheard an argument between CJ and Phaedra about my frequent visits.  Nysha alternated between needing to get laid and not wanting me to muss her hair and clothes.  This was a week in which she wanted me to fuck her brains out and I just wasn’t in the mood.  I was watching television, my thoughts on the tension between CJ and Phaedra, and my role in it, and ignoring my current girlfriend.
          She got on the bed and draped her torso over my lap.  As I’ve said before, Nysha was a bombshell; voluptuous, curvy, flawless, gorgeous.  Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t have been a problem for me to take her up on her offer.  Not now.  Not after learning that there could be the slightest inclination of a possibility that I could get Phaedra back.
          I tried to look around her head.  There was a Lakers/Celtics basketball game on.  “What is it?”
          “What’s going on?”
          “I’m trying to watch Kobe lead the Lakers to a win.”
          “Turn off the TV.”
          She slid her hand over my groin and gave me a gentle tug.  My dick barely twitched.  I was clearly not in the mood, and said so.
          “This is unlike you.  Normally, I have to beat you off with a stick.  But lately, you haven’t wanted to touch me.  I know you haven’t started batting for the other team, so what gives?  You never leave me hanging like this.”
          She smelled fruity, like strawberries, or some other equally potent fragrance.  I wasn’t the least bit turned on by her, in spite of her looks.  “Sorry, Ny.  I’m just not in the mood for sex.”
          She groaned and got off the bed, fiddling with her hair.  “Do we have any D-cell batteries?”
          I smirked.  I’d sent her to her toy box more than once this week; likely, she’d worn out the batteries on her favorite vibrator.  It didn’t bother me.  She would do better getting an orgasm from one of her toys.  The last time I saw Phaedra, she was in a fly green dress that screamed ‘fuck me.’  Unfortunately, I know CJ got to do the honors, and I can’t reiterate how much that bothered me.  Any hard-on I might have was for Phaedra and Phaedra alone.  “I wouldn’t know, Ny.”
          “Orion, what is going on?”
          I took a short breath and looked at her.  She was twirling a long lock of hair around a finger.  “I have a child.”
          “What?  Since when?  Have you been fucking around on me, Orion?”
          “No,” I said.  “My son is six years old.”
          She stared at me as if she didn’t understand.  “Did you get hit with child support papers or something?  Why am I just now learning about your kid?  You know I fucking hate children, Orion.”
          I was aware.  That was one of the reasons I knew that I’d have to get rid of Nysha.  Once Phaedra was comfortable enough to allow Orion Jr. to visit me, I intended for it to stay that way.   “I know, Ny.  And no, I haven’t been served with papers.  I’ve been taking care of my son from the beginning.”
          “Why am I just now learning about this, O?”
          “Because I’m now in a position for him to be able to stay with me.  And rest assured, he will be staying with me.  I’m already making plans to have the guest bedroom turned into a room for him.”
          “Oh no, oh no no…I’m not about to have a kid up in my apartment, Orion!”
          “Last I checked, I paid the rent and bills, Ny.  You’re no more than entertaining decoration.”
          She was too distracted to be insulted.  “What?”
          “Don’t think for a second that I’m going to choose you over my son.  I’ve been out of his life, but that’s changed.  His mother and I have come to an agreement, and I can now be an active part of his life…which I intend to be.”
          “Are you breaking up with me?”
          “I don’t recall saying those words.  You’re the one who doesn’t want my kid around.  So you’re leaving me.”
          “No I’m not!  You’re my man!  MY man!  I’m not about to let you go!”
          “But you expect me to ignore my son?”
          “No, Orion…it’s just—”
          “Just what?”
          “What about the mother?”
“What about her?”
“You’re trying to get back with her?”
I wasn’t trying to get back in with Phaedra; our interactions had been strictly restricted to Orion Jr.  But if I thought there was a chance—and I’m now of the opinion that there is—I would be with her in a heartbeat.  “No, Nysha.  She’s involved with another man.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Is she married to him?”
“She got a kid with him?”
“Then there’s nothing keeping her from getting back with you if she wants to.”
I was intrigued, but I wasn’t about to let on.  “Ny, we haven’t been together in over six years.  She’s moved on.”  I hesitated and decided to toss in a lie.  “So have I.” 
Can Nysha compete with Phaedra?
“You’re her baby’s daddy, and I know you.  You’re a one-woman man, Orion, and it’s one of the things I love about you.  You have a child with her.  You have a connection to her that I don’t have with you, and I won’t be able to compete with that.” 
“By your choice, Nysha. I haven’t said a thing about breaking up with you.  But like I said, I’m not choosing you over my child.  If you can get over the fact that I have a son, and that he will be staying with me from time to time, then you can continue to remain my girlfriend.”  Yeah.  Right.  The moment I knew that I had a real shot at Phaedra, Nysha would be gone.
She shifted her weight a few times and then sighed dramatically.  “Do I have to play stepmom or something; take him shopping, make him breakfast, watch cartoons with him, shit like that?”
“To be perfectly honest, I’d rather not have you within ten feet of my son.  Your dislike rolls off you in waves.  I don’t need Orion picking up that vibe and thinking he’s unwelcome in his father’s home.  So no, you don’t have to worry about any of that stuff.  Leave him alone.”
She rolled her eyes and turned to go into the bathroom.  “You can be such a fucking asshole, Orion!”
I turned my attention back to the game, just in time to see Kobe dunk on Paul Pierce.  “Whatever.”

Really, long could you deny this man?


"Precession," part 3

Part 1                             Part 2

She lived in a brownstone now.  I stood at her door with my hands in my pockets.  Sadao, efficient as hell, told me everything I needed to know: where she lived and worked, where he lived and worked, and where Quintaz went to school.  Phaedra worked as a paralegal in an upscale lawyer’s office, an upgrade from when she used to be a receptionist and then a legal secretary.  I wondered if she wanted to be a lawyer.
“Who is it?”
God, but the sound of her voice was like music.  “Phaedra?”
There was a long pause and I knew that she knew who I was.  I waited with my heart in my throat, wondering if she would open the door.  A very long moment passed; a second that could have easily been a lifetime before she unlocked the door.  When she opened it and saw it was me, her hazel eyes ate up her face.  I know my own did the same.  Phaedra was stunning; totally unpretentious in jeans and a T-shirt, no makeup and her short hair flattened to one side like she’d been lying on the couch.  She made beauty so easy, whereas Nysha wouldn’t let me see her without her makeup.
“Phaedra,” I said, feeling my nature rise as I stared at her.
 “Orion...” she breathed, unable to hide the shock in her voice.  “Orion, what the hell…?”
“Can I come in?”
She blinked; her large eyes shiny.  “Six years…Orion?”
“Phaedra, Phaedra...please baby...can I come in?”
          She looked at me for a moment, then back over her shoulder, and then back at me.  I wondered if he was there.
          “Orion, where have you been?”
          “Around,” I said.  “Getting myself together.”
          “It took you six damned years to get yourself together?”
          “Phaedra, may I come in?”
          “Orion, it’s late.  My son is asleep.”
          “Phaedra, can I see him?”
          “I won’t stay long,” I said.  “I need to see him, see you.  I couldn’t let another day go by.  Let me see my son, Phaedra.”
          She closed her eyes.  “Quintaz is asleep.”
          “I won’t wake him up.  I just want to see his face.”
          “You show up on my doorstep after six years?  You come here and demand to see a child you didn’t give a shit about when I was birthing him?”
          “Phaedra, that’s not true.  I fucked up.  I know it.  I know it.  Give me a chance to make it right.”
          “Five minutes.  I just want to see his face.  Please.”
          She bit her lip, looked back over her shoulder and then at me.  “Five minutes, and then you go back to wherever the hell you came from.  I can’t believe you have the balls to show up at my door after six years!  I thought the worst, Orion!  I was devastated!”
          She let me in and locked the door behind me.  I stared at her and then gazed at the apartment.  Pictures of our son were everywhere, and there was a large portrait of her and Quintaz over the fireplace.  It stung to see them looking happy without me.
          “Five minutes, O,” she said.  “And don’t you wake him up, either.”

Sleeping Quintaz
          He was soundly asleep and as I gazed at my little boy, my chest swelled.  I never doubted for a second that the child Phaedra had carried was mine; we never had those kinds of issues.  I was hers to the core, and I knew she was mine.  But looking down at him, I saw me all over…cheeks, eyes, lips, skin as bronze as my own.  He wore his hair in a short little spiky Mohawk.  He was so beautiful.  I ran my hand over the lump his body made under the covers.  He was going to be tall like me.  I looked around the room; Phaedra had it decorated in a Spiderman theme.  I took note; I’d be sending my son Spiderman-related stuff within the next week.
          “Don’t wake him,” she said.  “Come out, Orion.”
          I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. He squiggled underneath me and turned over.  I tucked the covers around him and turned to leave.  Phaedra closed the door.  When we were back in the living room, I turned around and found myself knocked on my ass.  Phaedra stood over me with a cocked fist and her eyes flashing with rage.  I rubbed my cheek. 
Phaedra knocks Orion down

          “You sucker-punched me!”
          “If I could beat your ass, I would, Orion!  How in the hell can you show up on my doorstep after six years?  My God, you left me and our newborn child—”
          “Phaedra, let me explain—”
“Explain?  Explain?  You can explain walking out of the hospital and my life while I was in labor with your son?  You don’t have to explain anything to me!  You walked out on me!  You walked out on our baby! I don’t want to hear a word you have to say!  Nothing makes up for that, you son-of- a-bitch!” 
“Phaedra, at the time I had nothing to offer you,” I said as I got up, rubbing my face.  She had a hell of a punch.  I’d forgotten how strong her arm was.
“I don’t understand that, Orion,” she said, turning to walk away from me.  I shamelessly ate up the sight of her denim-clad ass.  “We were together for five years before I got pregnant; what changed?”
“I lost my job.  I couldn’t take care of you, of him.  I felt like all I could be was another mouth for you to feed; another person running up the bills.  I was putting more strain on you.  You were the only one working.  I felt like a punk.”
“Orion, you sound like a fucking idiot.  I knew I was the only one bringing in income, but that didn’t mean I was doing everything myself.  You always took care of me.  You kept the apartment tidy, even before you lost your job, you always made sure there were groceries, and you made my pregnancy bearable.  I knew you’d get another job eventually!  We would have been fine!  So your excuse is bullshit!”
“Phaedra, I’m a man.  When I realized, when it kicked in that we were going to have a child…when you went into labor, I panicked.  I did.  I’m sorry; sorrier than you’ll ever know.  I regret every day leaving you.  I need you to forgive me for it.”
“Is that all you want, Orion?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is my forgiveness all you want?”
I stared at her, taking in the air around her.  Everything about Phaedra was perfect.  “I want to get to know my son.”
Wants Phaedra's forgiveness
She looked up and sighed.  “I suppose I have no choice with this.  Orion, I never talked bad about you to Taz.  I never disparaged you and I always told him that his father loved him even though he wasn’t around.  He knows you send him presents and money.  I don’t know what he feels about you, because you’re just words to him.  I have no right to deny you access to Taz, but I will let you know that there is another man who loves him and wants to raise him with me.  Best you know that up front.”
“Thank you, Phaedra,” I said.  “I appreciate you giving me this chance, and I promise I won’t fuck it up.”  I decided not to address the issue of her having another man in her life.  “But why didn’t you name him Orion like we planned?”
She folded her arms and glared at me.  “Are you kidding?”
She rolled her eyes and clearly decided to ignore me.  “We are happy now, Orion.  I am engaged and CJ is a more than adequate father to my son.”  She wiggled her ring finger; a fat little diamond winked at me.
“But I am his father.”
“When you abandoned us, you forfeited that right!  We got those presents you sent.  I sold mine and put the money in a savings account.  I would have gotten rid of the stuff you got Taz, except that wouldn’t have been right.  He knows his real father walked out on him and he knows that’s where the gifts come from.  But he adores CJ and calls him Daddy.  So don’t you dare try that with me, Orion!”
“Phaedra, don’t know what I’ve been through.  I have been tormented—”
“Don’t you dare speak to me about torment, you bastard!  How did you think I felt when the nurses told me you walked out!  For two years I was tortured and tormented.  My heart was broken!  You left us, how could you have left us?”  Tears slipped out of the corner of her eyes.  “I loved you more than my own life and you left me…that was my mistake.”
          I wanted to hold her and bury my face in her hair.  “Phaedra, you know what you meant to me.  You know I adored you; I practically worshiped the ground you walked on.  You were my world, you and our baby.  Your love was everything to me.”  She still was.  
          “It must not have been, because it wasn’t enough to make you stay.  God, I hate you for what you did to me!  You made me look like a fool!  I couldn’t even show my face in public; I was humiliated.  You left me to raise our baby alone…you fucking son of a bitch…!”
          I couldn’t help it.  I put my hands on her forearms and pulled her to me, enveloping her in my embrace.  I had to touch her.  For a microsecond, she yielded, and then she pushed me away.
          “Don’t touch me!  Don’t you ever lay a hand on me again!”
          “Phaedra, I’m sorry.”
          She turned away from me and I watched her calm down by degrees; listened to her breathing even out and watched the relaxing of her hands.  I waited.  Phaedra had a temper.  It had been a delicious part of our intimate life; whenever she was riled up was a guarantee of fantastic sex.  I used to irritate her on purpose just so she could jump me.  Our son was the result of one of those arguments.  That was a fight that had been well-worth it.
          When she turned around, I saw steel in her eyes.  “Get out, Orion.  I’m fine with you establishing a relationship with my son; he needs to know his father.  But it will be done on my terms, is that clear?  Until I’m satisfied, you will come here to see him, and only a few times during the week, and before his 8:00 bedtime.  We understand each other, Orion?  Because I’m serious.”
          If she was willing to give me a chance with my son, I wasn’t going to put a toe out of line.  “What about you?”
          “What about me?”
          “You’re okay with me coming by?  What about CJ?”
          “If I’m dictating that you have to come here to see Taz, then I’m obviously okay with it.  And CJ is no concern of yours.”  Then she looked at me.  “You’re here for Taz, Orion.  I’m not a part of this, and that’s something you’d better get used to.”
          I stared at her.  I knew Phaedra very well; knew her expressions, her mannerisms, and quirks.  I knew when her mind was made up, and when there was wiggle room.   In this case, the latter was true.


Precession, part 2

Watching Phaedra from the Jag
Twice a week, Phaedra took my son to a local playground where he spent time running around with some other kids, and playing with her.  I used to sit and watch them from the luxuriant confines of my Jaguar, with Sadao, my ever-present second.  Sadao never questioned me about our regular visits to the playground, but I know that he was well aware of why we visited. I wasn’t the least bit clandestine in my observations of my son and his mother.
Phaedra & Quintaz
Just as of late, I started getting out of the car, leaving Sadao behind.  I wasn’t worried about retaliation from rival crews or families; this area was known Ishiguro territory.  I either stood by the perimeter fence or over by a large tree, watching the two of them from a distance.  This particular day, I was early.  It was cold and snowflakes swirled around and around.  I stood by the fence, perfectly warm in a leather trench, gloves, and a backwards-turned Kangol.  I didn’t have to wait long.  I had this particular routine memorized.  Soon, Phaedra walked up, with Quintaz in tow.  She had him bundled up like an Eskimo, and he tried to run ahead of her.  She gave chase and caught him, laughing.  Then she dropped to one knee to adjust his coat and hat.  I saw her smile at him and I closed my eyes.  Phaedra looked fine as ever in a pair of black jeans, furlined boots, and a heavy hooded parka.  She helped Quintaz get into the swing and started pushing him.  I heard his laughter and I was lost for a moment; longing and desire washing over me.  I wanted to be over there with Phaedra and my son.  I had been an utter fool to leave them.
I snapped out of my thoughts.  “Sadao?”
“Boss, why are we here?”
“Sadao,” I say, “I want to ask you something.  What do you think of that woman and her little boy?”
He shrugged and took a long look.  I knew Sadao knew that I was there because of Phaedra and Quintaz, but he didn’t know who they really were.
“Mmn.  She’s hot.  I’d fuck her.”
I knew he would say something of the sort.  There was no shortage of jump-offs in Sadao’s life, but I didn’t like the idea of him even thinking that about Phaedra.  “What about the kid?”
“He’s cute.”
“Would you believe me if I told you that was my son?”
“That cute little boy, as you described, is my son.”
Sadao looked at me.  “Boss, you got a kid?” 
“Does that mean…?”
I looked at Sadao.  “Yes.”
He looked at Phaedra again, who was bent over tying Quintaz’ shoe.  “That’s your girl?”
“She was.”
Sadao Nakamura
Sadao looked at me.  We were close.  He had my back, as I had his.  I knew what he was thinking, and also knew that he would say it aloud.  “You downgraded, Orion.”  He called me Orion whenever he was dead serious about something.
“You think so?”
Sadao eyed Phaedra.  She was standing up, smoothing her hands over her jeans.  He whistled.  “Yep.  Nysha isn’t anywhere near that sexy.”
“She would disagree.  As would quite a few of the guys.”  Nysha had no shortage of admirers in my crew, and I was certain of two things: 1. That none of them would step to her out of loyalty to me, and 2.  She had no interest in dating lowly yakuza thugs.  Nysha was a showstopper, a bombshell, arm candy, and she was too self-centered and too much of a diva to be with a man who couldn’t afford her.  But Sadao understood things as I did; after the shiny and flash, the shallowness, and the surface perfection of my current lady, Phaedra was like water to parched earth.  She was real in a way that Nysha didn’t know how to be, and I longed for that.
“That’s because they haven’t seen that one over there.  Damn, Orion…how in the hell did you leave a woman that fine?  Look at that ass.  She’s wearing those jeans, don’t you think?”  Sadao looked at me and grinned.  “So she’s single?”
I eyed my friend.  “You leave her alone, Sadao.” 
The playful look in his eyes died out in a flash.  He knew by the sound of my voice that I was completely serious. 
A very long moment passed, where we watched her play with my son.  Sadao said quietly, “What’s her name?”
“Boss, she’s beautiful.  What’s his name?”
“His name is supposed to be Orion, but she calls him Quintaz.”
“What happened?”
“Six years ago, I walked out on that beautiful little boy and that gorgeous woman.  I’ll have to tell you why one day.”
“You’re an idiot, boss.  She’s a knockout.  I know you don’t think she’s still single after six years.  She’s way too fine to be left alone.  Some brother’s tapping that.”  He eyed me.
I wasn’t idealistic enough to think that Phaedra had been pining away for me for the past six years.  I wasn’t dumb enough to think that she hadn’t moved on.  I wasn’t crazy enough to think that no man would want her.  Please.  Still, I couldn’t help but say, “She’s off limits, Sadao.  I’m serious.”
“I know that, boss.  But I’m not the one you need to worry about.”
I looked at my friend.  “Oh really?” Sadao was a flirt, but I knew he wouldn’t do anything, not after this conversation.  “If not you, then who would I have to be concerned about?”
Sadao inclined his chin.  “Him.”
I turned to look back in Phaedra’s direction and was quite surprised to see her liplocked with some guy.  I’d never seen him here with her before.
“What the hell?”
The man then picked up my son and gave him a hug.  Quintaz hugged him back and started gibbering in excitement.  Then the guy put him down and grabbed Phaedra’s hand.  They walked out of the park.
Sadao whistled.  “I told you that she was too fine to be single, boss.”
I stared, feeling like a dumbass.  Who was that bastard?  “Motherfuck…”
Sadao looked over at the receding trio.  “How do you want to handle this, Orion?  Does it require handling?”
That wouldn’t be the best way of going about trying to get Phaedra back.  I didn’t discount the possibility entirely, as I did not know the man, and if he got in my way, it could become an issue.
“Not at the moment, Sadao.”
“So what are you going to do?”
I adjusted my coat and gloves.  “I’m going to rectify the mistake I made. Phaedra’s mine, and I’m not about to sit back and let another man raise my son.  Find out who he is and where she lives.”
          Sadao nodded.  “It’s as good as done.”

Pensive, seductive Orion


Shortie: "Precession"

Introducing Orion Kazuo Korematsu, inspired by the gorgeous Rick Yune (my baby's daddy), and Phaedra Janelle Thornton, inspired by the lovely Nia Long.  "Precession" is the story of Orion's determination to win back the heart of the woman he left.

Orion Kazuo Korematsu
 There is no denying the fact that I fucked up with the first footsteps that took me away from her, from them. And yet, besieged by weakness and failure, I kept walking. I walked and walked, still hearing her screams and the encouragement of the doctors to “push…push…push….” I hated myself; I felt lower than the slime on the ocean floor; more disgusting than cockroach entrails. What could I, a man who had nothing, offer her? What kind of father would I be to him? Who was I? What was I? What place did I deserve in their lives? At the time, the answers were no one, nothing, and nowhere.

That was six years ago. Since that time, I have changed my answers. Who am I? Orion Kazuo. What am I? A capo for the Ishiguro family. What place do I deserve in their lives? Her husband, his father. As it should have been, but I was too much of a broke-ass punk to realize that my presence, my support and my love would have more than compensated for my lack of financial stability. The day I walked out burned vividly in my mind. I’ll never forget it and I shouldn’t. What I did to them is unforgivable. Yet I want the chance to make it up to them. I’m certainly in a far better position to take care of them now. As caporegime for the Ishiguros, I have become a wealthy man; though I am not one to show it off.  It's not wise for a man in my position.  I'm the head of the southeast region of operations. The underboss, Seiichi Ishiguro, is very close to me, as I was fiercely loyal to the family, and have been from the day I started working for them. I owned a very nice apartment and two cars; my crews take care of our region and keep things moving. I could give them a good life, a better life. Not to mention that there was a hole in my heart that needs to be filled and I can’t go on until it is.

Phaedra Thornton
Six years ago, I left my girlfriend of five years, Phaedra, while she was giving birth to our son. I had been out of work for about two months, and my prospects were slim due to the economy. Phaedra was taking care of us and I was living with her. I was frantic about my child’s future. For the life of me, I couldn’t see not giving him all he deserved when I had nothing. In a fit of supreme weakness, I walked out of the hospital. I left. I left my newborn son and his mother, a woman I’m still crazy about. I walked out on my family, just like a punk-ass bitch. I regretted that mistake from that day on.   Phaedra is a strong, beautiful woman and I know she is a wonderful mother. After I started working for the Ishiguros, I began sending Phaedra money. 

Watching Phaedra
From a distance, I watched her push our son in the stroller, watched her take him to the park, watched her nurture him, watched him thrive under her love. I longed to be by her side and to hold our son in the air and play with him. Sometimes I watched her with him with low tears in my eyes because I dearly miss her and my son. Phaedra has always been beautiful, but now she is a stone-cold knockout and she turned many heads. She’d lost some weight--not too much, cut off all her hair and now sported a short haircut.  As I made my way through the ranks of Ishiguro’s soldiers and gained more respect and money, I always sent half of my earned fees to Phaedra and our son.

I always assumed that Phaedra would name our child Orion after me; she absolutely loved my name and what it represented. But I heard her call my son one day and then learned that she named him something else.  She called him Quintaz, which was not the name we’d agreed on, but a nice name regardless. However, I wanted my son to have my name. Selfish, I know, considering what I did, but Orion Kazuo, Jr. is my son’s real name.  

Phaedra and Quintaz

Every year, on May tenth, I send Quintaz a birthday gift. Something he can use, anything I think Phaedra might want for him. Anything that will help him in school. I also send her presents. She has always been partial to jewelry and pretty feminine things. When I send Quintaz’ present, I send hers as well.

You see, I am still in love with her. Six years have passed and that has not changed at all. However, with my current job status, I’ve ended up with another girlfriend. Her name is Nysha, and she’s pretty. We’ve been together three years, and she’s great. Nysha is protective of me and somewhat jealous, although she has no need to be. But I don’t love her. I like her and I care to a certain extent, but as far as loving her goes, there will never be a chance of that. My heart has always belonged to Phaedra. Nysha doesn’t know I have a son; it’s really none of her business.  

But thoughts of Phaedra and Quintaz are overwhelming me. I could do so much for them now. I could set Phaedra up in my penthouse and shower her with gifts. She wouldn’t have to work another day in her life. I’d give my son the world. I want the chance to do that, more than anything else. I want the chance to make up for abandoning them.  Nysha wonders why I don’t want to make love to her. It’s because I want Phaedra. Nysha is attractive and sexy, just what a man like me needs on my arm. But I want Phaedra back. I still want her, and I’ve decided that I’ll have her. She’s mine.

No need to explain who inspired this shortie.
to be continued...



I'm excited to announce that Middle Child Press' debut work, The Sultry Court, has just received its first literary review.  Author Nichelle Gregory, of As You Wish, Lovin' Leela, and Hearts & Diamonds, gives The Sultry Court three out of five stars. 

"The Sultry Court, edited by Amaya Radjani offers a collection of hot, twisted, entertaining stories sure to tantalize erotica readers! You'll also love the gorgeous artwork and there's even a love poem for poetry fans!"

You can check out Nichelle's complete review at Goodreads!


The Men in My Life...

I love men.  I mean, I absolutely love men.  So I’ve decided to give them some props.  This is the beginning of a series called “The Men in My Life.”  An apropos subtitle would be, “He Can Get It!”  Ladies, let’s be honest.  We all know what “it” means.  I’m just keeping it real.

Anyhoo, I’m going to start at the beginning and make my way forward.  My first love is a toss-up between Bruce Lee and the character of Spock, played by Leonard Nimoy.  Since Bruce is a person and not a character, I’ll begin with him.

The Legend
Bruce and I met when I was a young girl; way back in the day when I sported pigtails and was subject to the whim of my brothers.  They loved kung-fu movies, and Bruce was the gold standard.  The first time I laid eyes on him, in “Enter the Dragon,” I fell head over heels in puppy love.  I was too young to understood exactly what was going on, but I liked the feeling nonetheless.  He was simply…magnificent.  The way he dispatched bad guys was awesome, and if you blinked, you missed it, because his moves were quicksilver.  I watched Bruce put many a dude on his ass and cheered every time.  Another thing I loved about Bruce's movies were that they were unpretentious.  They didn't try to be anything more than what they were, which was a showcase for him to put the beatdown on a whole bunch of guys, including Chuck Norris.  Chuck, as "Colt," got his ass whupped.  Classic.

Bruce v. Chuck in "Way of the Dragon."
I was devastated when my brothers told me that he died and there would be no more Bruce Lee movies.  But he was such a genius that we knew there would be no shortage of imitators.  However, as Marvin & Tammi once sang, “Ain’t Nothin Like the Real Thing, Baby…”

Dual Nunchuk Beatdown
My love for Bruce never died and he still holds a place in my heart after all these years.  A few years back, I purchased all of his movies and every now and then, I have myself a marathon.  Time well spent, as I study his moves and techniques as intensely as a crackhead feenin’ for a hit.  My favorite movie is “Way of the Dragon,” where he eliminates 1o thugs in a thrilling  double nunchuk scene.  Effortlessly, and looking fine as hell while doing so.

“Game of Death” was his final film, and it was, unfortunately, unfinished.  Most of the movie has another actor in Bruce’s stead, but the final sequence is all him, sporting an iconic yellow jumpsuit and kicking ass all the way.

What always annoyed me was that, except for in “Fist of Fury,” aka “Chinese Connection,” and “The Big Boss,” Bruce was portrayed as largely sexless and fairly ignorant about women.  He had a fianceĆ© in “Game of Death,” but since that ain’t Bruce in the movie, it don’t count.  At any rate, it annoyed me because I know that Bruce could pull major ass; why wasn’t that at least hinted at?  Of course, it was the 60’s, and we all know about the rigidity of censorship at that time.  But the directors could have shown Bruce a little love, pun intended.  He had serious sex appeal.  I haven't met a woman yet that's a Bruce Lee fan who would have denied him a piece of the snappy nappy.  To this day. 

Wicked Sexy
Well, this is my homage to Bruce.  Many have tried to step into your shoes, but they are terribly hard to fill.  Moreover, people shouldn't even try.  There are just some things, like remaking a Prince song, or screwing around with the recipe to chocolate chip cookies, that should be left alone.  You're maybe my first love, and definitely the first man I know to make an ass-kicking look absolutely delicious.  Rest in peace.