Musings in the Dark: April 2016


Fic Update Alert! "Lovesick"

There is nothing more powerful than using art to handle grief.   My tears have dried up, but my heart hasn't healed.

Chapter 4 of "Lovesick" is now up on pinkelegance.  This one is taking some time because it's already way longer than I intended for it to be...but when the Muse speaks, I listen for however long she allows it.  Staring at photos of Toby Kebbell and Jon Bernthal does make the process easier...and to quote a former associate, "way more funner."  Using Prince's music as part of the soundtrack...bittersweet.

"Victor had no intention of going home, but he’d say whatever she needed to hear to appease her.  Her creep comment got his attention.  “One condition.”

“Is it sex?  Kisses?  What?”

“It will be if you want that, but that’s not what I’m asking for.”

“What is it?”  She shook her sore foot, angry about the chipped polish and spied her stiletto over in the corner.  She wanted to throw it at him, if she knew where he was.

“I want to have dinner with you.  At your house.  In private.”

Nedra held the phone away from her ear and stared at it for about ten seconds.  A range of expressions swam over her face.  Did he just ask her for a date?

“Hello? Nedra?  Paging Dr. Nix?”

She said, “You want to do what?”

“You insulted me that night in the garage,” he said, his tone changing.  “You told me I was incapable of making you happy.  I beg to differ.”

Nedra thought back to the night of the thousand-dollar masturbation.  “You got me in trouble that night,” she replied."


Fic Update Alert! "Lovesick"

Chapter 3 of "Lovesick" is now available on pinkelegance.  Get you some.


"Jon called for an Uber and a driver was waiting by the time they finished their drinks.  Fortunately, the car was a big Lexus with tinted windows and more than enough room in the back seat.  John tossed the driver a thousand yuan tip and told him in Mandarin not to worry about what happened in the back seat.  The driver nodded but that didn’t stop him from sneaking looks as he drove back to the hotel.  Nedra wasted no time mounting Jon once he closed the door.  Nedra’s dress was easily to manipulate and seconds later, she was riding him as they kissed passionately.  Jon held on to her ass.  They kept their sounds tight and contained, but any fool with a brain could look in the backseat of the ES 350 and know they were getting it, and getting it good too.  The driver took his sweet time getting back to the hotel."


Fic Update Alert: "Lovesick"

Chapter 2: "Thermite" is now available for reading on pinkelegance.

A/N: Writing keeps me from crying...

She felt itall right, as her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip.  Her climax was brusque with a sweet, painful edge.  She was grateful that the Bima’s alignment was exquisite because her hands were everywhere except the wheel and she had been driving with her knees.  Her lip started bleeding and to her dismay, she saw flashing lights behind her.  Nedra looked at the speedometer.  She was driving over 120 miles an hour with her hand in her panties, a swollen, bloody lip, smelling way too much like her secret self with King Bey’s sexy jam on repeat.

Fucking Victor fucking von fucking Doom.  That fucking bastard!  She wanted to kill him.  She never got speeding tickets!

The lily stared at her with its broken stem and shredded red bow; its ends red and raggedy just like her emotional state, bringing forth the real truth in all its glory. 

He’s a bastard all right, but one that you want, no matter how much you try to fight it.

Nedra slowed down and pulled over, looking for something to wipe her wet fingers with and coming up short.  Quickly she turned off the iPod.  She hadn’t yet outfitted the Bima with necessities such as tissues…or a damn towel, in this case.  Fuck.  She’d have to clean the seat when she got home.  She wiped her hand on her dress after sucking the tang off her fingers and did the best she could to straighten her face and lick the blood from her lip.  Nedra was grateful that the windows were open and maybe the cop couldn’t smell her that much.  She put her hands on the wheel as the trooper walked towards her car and asked for her license and registration.


Prince Rogers Nelson, 1958-2016

Rest in Power.
Y'all already heard the news about Prince Rogers Nelson being found dead in his Minnesota home at age 57. There will be a formal post honoring his memory coming in few days, but right now I'm just raw.  My heart aches and I can't stop crying.  My nose is full of snot and I got "Call My Name" on repeat and wishing I had a bottle of wine to go with.  I'm still not over the passing of His Pimpness David Bowie and now 2016 done fucking took His Royal Badness too?

I went through a similar experience when Michael died in 2009. The grief is real, yo, because my first experience with Prince was Controversy, but I didn't fall in love until 1999.  We been together for decades and then he had to go and die on me, y'all!  We purified ourselves in the waters of Lake Minnetonka and he still left me far too soon...I can't take anymore of 2016's bullshit!  

To say that The Purple One was a powerful influence is the understatement of the millennium. Prince changed the game early on, then changed it again and again.  Creatively, he was about 20 years ahead of everyone else and the most beautiful thing about him was the lack of fucks he gave about what folks thought as he sold over 100 million albums.

As the Dark Dilettantes know, I was in the process of writing another fanfic and I was using Prince's music as part of the soundtrack.  I listen to a lot of his music when I write anyway, but the songs chosen for "Lovesick" were particular favorites and now I just don't even know if I can do it...

With most artists, there's usually some sort of scandal that taints their careers and/or legacy. Somebody tell me if that ever happened with Prince.  

I'll wait.

Photo from
We have lost a true virtuoso and visionary.  May his legacy live on. Travel well and godspeed, Prince.


A heartbroken fan...

New Fic Alert: "Lovesick"

Well, the Muse is still speaking.  You can read her latest conversation over on pinkelegance, "Lovesick."

I'm just happy to be writing again.  It's so liberating and it makes me feel better.


"Victor Von Doom was casually posted up against the passenger side of her brand new car, in a suit—an unheard-of concept, according to many—holding a large black calla lily.  It was an absolutely stunning bloom; the leaves were a deep green flecked with white and there was a thin red bow tied around the upper stem.  She wondered how much it cost.  Normally, Nedra wasn’t into flowers, but she’d never seen a black lily before, and this particular flower was a showstopper.  It rivaled the beauty of its holder.

She uttered five quiet words: “How did you find me?”"


Fic Update Alert! "Otherside of the Game"

Last chapter of "Otherside of the Game" is now posted on pinkelegance.  Do enjoy!


He stood in front of her closed front door, staring down at her with a myriad of emotions in his expression.  “I’m nuts about you, Nedra Nix.  You say I’m crazy and you’re absolutely right.  About you.  I needed this weekend; needed this kind of time with you.  You shouldn't be mad—or surprised—if I start courting you for real.”

Nedra’s hands were on his chest and she couldn't look him in the eye.  What was in them was more than she could handle. “I said you couldn’t do that, Victor.  I’m in love with another man.”

“I can do better,” he said.  “There is something to be had with me, Nedra, and you know it.  You do.  You feel it too.  You can't even look at me”

She nodded and stubbornly looked in his eyes.  “This is a good foundation to build on, but I am in love with Jon, Victor.  We have a history.  We’ve been together since the Corps, and that’s 18 years.  My heart belongs to him.  You can't compete.”

“I don’t care,” he said.  “We can make our own history.  It can be done.  I know what you need, and more importantly, I'll never deny you.  And don't ever tell me what I can't do...that's dangerous.”


Fic Update Alert! "Otherside of the Game"

Chapters 2 and 3 of my new fic, "Otherside of the Game" is now posted on pinkelegance.  The Muse is serenading and I hope she continues.

It might have been two or three a.m. when they were back in Nedra’s tub.  She wanted to soak afterwards, but this time, Victor was between her knees, getting his hair washed.

“I like this,” he said.  “I like it when you wash my hair and my beard.”

“I’m glad,” she said.  “It’s seductive.  My stylist knows to spend a good 15 on my shampoo.

“Did I do okay?” he asked, his voice tentative. 

“You were amazing.  You gave me exactly what I wanted, what I needed, and how I needed it.  A++ for my gifted Victor.”

“Put your number in my phone so I can call you, Nedra.  You don’t have to be alone when he isn’t here.”

“Okay,” she said.  She was willing to at least try.  “But we will have no contact when Jon is here, Victor.”

“Whatever you say,” he replied.  He would let her needs dictate how that would go down; if she even so remotely as sent him a good morning text, he would be at her door before the day was out.  Her man was a fool to neglect her in a way that mattered and it was just the opening Victor needed to slide right on in.  Some men were stupid…or Simple Simons.

Or both.

He wasn't.


New Fic Alert! "Otherside of the Game"

Well, I'm not done with Nedra and Victor.  God bless Toby Kebbells.  My Muse loves him.

“Why are you here?  It’s midnight.”

“I want to see you.  You play hard to find and then hard to get at work.  What’s a man like me supposed to do?”

“Stay away!  You were supposed to leave it where we left it!”

“You left it there.  I didn’t.”

“Victor, does it even matter what I want?”

“You want what I want.  You don’t want to admit it; you have a need to keep that secret, but we both want the same thing.”

Nedra lowered the gun and sighed.  At the moment, she hated Franklin for sending her to recruit Victor in the first place.  “I told you why that would be a problem.”

Victor adjusted his stance, swinging the velvet bag over his shoulder.  “Your man’s in Kosovo right now, engaged in loss verification.  He left a couple of days ago.  He’ll be gone for the better part of a month.  You don’t live with him, and you’re not real big on having outside company other than your small circle of friends.”

Nedra aimed the .380 at him again and cocked it.  “How the fuck do you know that?”  But really, she wasn’t surprised.  The man was extremely resourceful.

He smiled at her.  “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“What’s in the bag, you demented Santa Claus?”

“You’ll find out when you let me in.”

This fic, "Otherside of the Game" is now posted on pinkelegance.  Enjoy!


Fic Update Alert!

The last segment of my new fanfic, "Playing Pool With Planets," is now live on pinkelegance.

“Let’s talk, Nedra.  Woman to man, lover to lover.”

“We’re not lovers, Victor.  This is a job—”

“I know, I know.  Franklin sent you to get me by any means necessary and the means you chose to get me were…maybe not something he would be proud of, but it was effective as fuck, pun intended.  I’m going back to Baxter and see what this kid’s done that’s supposed to be a game changer.”

“He’s found another planet, Victor.  His transporter goes to another world.  What you were trying to do, he did.  I don’t know exactly what he did that was so different, but you need to see it.  You have to.”

“Yeah, later for all that.  I want to talk about us.  And we are lovers, whether you like it or not.  We’re compatible; it’s fire between us.  I feel it and I know you do.  This world may be a shitty place that deserves to die, but there are some things that worth keeping, and this between us is worth it.  It’s real.  Realer than anything I know.”

“Victor, it isn’t as real as you’d like to think.”

Am I done with Nedra and Victor?  Probably not, but who knows?

Fic Update Alert!

Part 2 of "Playing Pool With Planets" is now live on pinkelegance. 

"Nedra kissed his nose.  “While you were busy working at Baxter, there were plenty of women working at Baxter who wanted you, Victor.  Badly.  Why there have been actual spats on your behalf.  In fact, I was present when some pretty raunchy conversations went down regarding you.  There were women betting on who was going to turn your ass out.  Beautiful women.  Smart women.  Talented women.  Fighting over who was going to be your boo; over who was going to have you.  You have a sexy appeal that a lot of women find irresistible, present company included.  But your head was shoved so far up Sue’s ass that between it and your work, you didn’t see it.  You had no clue.  But I knew.”

He looked bewildered as she pressed another kiss against his lips. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“We weren’t on speaking terms, if you’ll recall.  You didn’t know I existed, but we all knew about you.” She smiled, recalling an all-out catfight between Darlene Marsh in Biochemistry and Trielle Davis in Microbiology over Victor one Friday afternoon."

There will be one more chapter after this.