Musings in the Dark: June 2011


The Power of the Pussy

When I was actively dating, one of the things I always understood was the level of connection and understanding I had with the guy in question.  I’m grown and I deal with grown men, so there was no mystery about my expectations of him and his expectations of me.  We would take care of each other in the ways that men and women do.  I’m an independent woman, and real men appreciate that, but that does not mean there is nothing he can do for me.

When I was dating, there were certain things I didn’t have to be concerned with.  Why?  Because I knew what I had and what he wanted.  He knew what he had and what I wanted, and I am speaking of more than just sex, in case you’re wondering.  These things were understoodThis is why I am confuzzled by some women today.    I hear them complain:

“My car needs servicing, but…”

“I need gas in my car, but…”

“I wanna get my hair done, but…”

“I want this new dress, but...”

“I want to go out to eat, but…”

“I need a few bills paid, but…”

The “but” is typically a reference as to why she is unable to accomplish these things.  The problem is that she has a boyfriend (serious), and he isn’t taking care of those mundane responsibilities.  He should be, and I have to wonder if he knows that he should.

Now, a woman should define for herself what a serious relationship is.  Does she have a concrete connection with her boo where they communicate needs and wants, pay attention to each other, and make plans for the future?  What are some fundamental requirements that he has for her?  Does he want her to look good?  Does he want her safe?  Does he get pleasure from pleasing her?  What are her requirements?  Does she want him to fix things that are broken, cut the grass, take out the trash?  Whatever it is, it needs to be established and roles defined. 

When I was in my last serious relationship, my boyfriend made sure my car was full of gas and detailed regularly.  If he didn’t do it himself, he took it somewhere to make sure it was done.  If he saw something that was broken in my house, he got it fixed.  He paid for my hair, bought me shoes, and took care of me.  In return, I cooked for him, kept his clothes laundered, and saw to it that he was undisturbed when he needed to work.  And if he came up short every now and then, I had his back.

The question I pose is this:  What do you think a man should be doing in your life?  Theoretically, his presence should elevate you and make you better.  Not worse, because you can do bad by your damn self.  If you are in a serious relationship and you are sharing something precious, then not only should he service your car, but also do it without you having to ask him to do it.  Because you have a real connection, he should want to take care of you and want the best for you.  He wants his woman to be beautiful, so he doesn’t mind shelling out the C-notes to pay for her hair, nails, or a new outfit.  If he loves you, then he can pay some of your bills every now and then when you’re short.  It has nothing to do with a woman being dependent on a man, but it has everything to do with building a successful union with said man.  Most men who are serious about attachment want women who can meet them on their level,  not kowtow to less-worthy ladies who only want what they can take.

Women who have boyfriends that live with them free of charge and have to handle every aspect of the relationships do a lot of complaining.  When I hear the “My car needs gas,” comment, I ask, “I thought you had a boyfriend?”  The response usually is, “He don’t have no money,” or “He ain’t about to get up off my couch and go to the gas station.”

To which my response is, “Perche?” (‘Why’ in Italian; done for dramatic effect)

Their response:  A shrug, or “I don’t know.”

My silent response: You’ve got a pussy, but you’re not using it.  Not properly, anyway. You’ve got a brain and you’re not using it at all. 

Janet KNEW what she was talkin' about.
You’re doing all this stuff, but what is the benefit to you?  You’re breaking him off sexually, but what is he doing for you?  If you are in a serious relationship, then you should benefit from each other.  When this gets one sided, a woman should ask herself, “Why am I with this guy?”  Or better yet, whip out Janet Jackson’s best-selling album Control and play Track #3:  “What Have You Done For Me Lately?”  Janet’s speaking the truth and the truth never gets old.

Ask yourself.  Better yet, ask him.  You may find out some things about the true nature of your relationship, and it probably isn’t what you think.