Musings in the Dark: Feenin' (7/?)


Feenin' (7/?)

Sheila sat in the mess with a salad, ruminating on Spock’s words.  K’avir chose her—early on, if she understood Spock correctly—to be his mate.  He wanted her as much as she wanted him even then…and she knew what she saw in him, but she wondered what he saw in her enough to make him want her as his wife.

The minute Spock left, she used the computer to research and download information regarding Vulcan mating practices.  She was going to read the rest of it tonight with a cup of tea, as it was interesting reading.  K’avir was going to go through something called Pon Farr, and the information on it was vague, but Sheila wasn’t stupid.  He was going to experience some chemical imbalance that took away his rational mind and honed his need to mate with a willing female.  In other words, he had to fuck or die, and he was planning on doing it with her.  It appeared to be a violent practice, but she wasn’t about to let him die.  And she’d already proven she could handle rough sex with him.  The little bit of information she did find did not provide specifics on how rough the sex was, but the captain had said that because K’avir chose to be celibate rather than indulge in women was going to make this particular bout of…illogic…intense.

There was a lot to think about.  Sheila admitted that the little she knew about Vulcan culture was what she picked up in sickbay, and from paying attention to the captain.  She acknowledged that she didn’t know what she needed to know before sleeping with K’avir, but it was too late now.  They were involved, and for him, it was serious.  It was for her as well.  Sheila was nuts about her big Vulcan.  She now understood why he liked leaving hickeys on her neck and shoulders; primitive as it was, it was K’avir’s way of romancing her, of marking his territory, of letting others know that Sheila was his woman.  She found the very idea of that stimulating on a primal level.  Maybe she wasn’t the calm, cool professional she thought she was.

Spock’s words were powerful.  Coupled with the memories of K’avir’s training and the first night they had sex, everything started making sense.  He told her that a Vulcan always knew what he was doing.  He singled her out for private lessons and chose to hone her skills with actual combat instead of simulated fights.  He chose her before she chose him.  He had been preparing her for his eventual pon farr even when she didn’t realize it.  He had even said he wanted her just the way she was.  And every time they were intimate, she felt the same thing: he wanted her.  He wanted her.   He wanted her.   Spock had said that for Vulcans, to want was absolute.  Not temporary, not fleeting, not whimsy.  He wouldn’t associate with her, sexually or otherwise, if he didn’t want to be with her.

She closed her eyes.  K’avir had been speaking to her from day one and she hadn’t been able to interpret it until now.  He was not a gregarious man, but he communicated in the ways he knew how: fighting and fucking.  She just didn’t understand his language.  But she understood it now.  And Spock told her that he would have to learn to understand hers.  But she could teach him how.  She could show him exactly what she wanted from him and she had no doubts that he would do it.

Sheila got hot and smiled at the memories of last night.  He had called her his beloved.


She looked up.  “Julian?”

“Sorry I’m late.  Had a small problem in Engineering.”

“It’s fine.  All is well, right?”


Julian sat down with his tray.  “How are you doing?”

“I’m all right,” she said.  “Listen, I need to tell you something.”


“I understand that you had a small confrontation this morning.”

Julian looked at her.  “Yeah, the big dude…the security chief…told me to keep out of sickbay.  I don’t know why, but I have no intention of doing anything he says.  I don’t even know who he is.”

“You should.  He’s my boyfriend.”

“What?  I thought that you were single!”

“So did I,” she said.  “But I have learned that I am not.  I didn’t understand, but I do now.  And I’m sorry to have led you on.  But I never promised you anything, Julian.  And you might want to listen to K’avir because he will kill you if you don’t heed his warning.”


“He loves me,” she said.  It was very simple now.  “I didn’t know it before, but I know it now.  K’avir loves me and I love him and I’m sorry.  You’d better stay away from me, which means I need to be leaving now.”

Sheila stood up, smiling.  She had been clueless but she wasn’t anymore.  “Goodbye, Julian.  It was a pleasure to know you.  And if you really want to get involved with someone, there are a bevy of beautiful, smart women on this starship other than me.  I’m taken.”  She turned and left, wondering where he was.  She wanted to see him, to kiss him and hold him and tell him that she understood.

“Sheila, wait!”

She turned.  Julian was behind her.

“Julian, you need to let it go.  I don’t want K’avir to kill you and he will kill you if he sees you with me.  I heard that he warned you to leave me alone and he issues one warning before he acts.  It’s not worth it.  Back off.  For your own sake.”

“Sheila, seriously?  You can’t expect me to walk away that easily!  We’ve been talking for weeks!”

“Sure I do,” she said.  She was cheerful.  “We’ve had great conversations and I do admit that you’re a good-looking guy.  I’m sorry I wasn’t truthful with you, but I was ignorant of certain customs.  My boyfriend is Vulcan and he doesn’t talk to me like you do and so I was confused.  But I’ve learned his language and he’s all I really want, you understand?  So you have no choice but to walk away, if you want to live.”

“He can’t be all that bad.”

“If you keep following me, you’ll find out.”

Sheila kept walking.  He knew that her arm was injured, so it wasn’t likely that he would be waiting for her in the gym.  But no matter where he was, she would find him.  However, she had to change clothes first.

“Sheila, wait…”

Sheila kept walking.  It was best to ignore Julian; hopefully he would take the hint.  But once she got to her quarters, she realized that he was still behind her.  He grabbed her injured arm and she winced.

“Ow!  Julian, let me go!”  Her arm had not fully healed; the tissue regenerator did not go as deep as she thought; perhaps due to her lack of focus last night.

“Sheila, this isn’t over!  You’re not going to make a fool of me!”

“Let go of me!”  She snatched her arm away and cradled it.  “What are you doing, grabbing my arm like that?”

“I won’t let you make a fool of me, Sheila.  You’ve been playing me this whole time and now all of a sudden you’re dating the security chief?”

“I told you that I was sorry, but I also never promised you anything other than conversation.  Now deal with it.  We have nothing.  Nothing.  Leave me alone.”

Julian reached for her arm again and she pulled away and backed up, colliding into a wall.  She turned.  It was K’avir.


  1. I am hooked to this story!! I was never a trek/star wars etc. fan, but this, this is SO good.

  2. Yes, I am not a fan either, but I love this story. Please keep it coming girl.


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