Musings in the Dark: Feenin' (9/9)


Feenin' (9/9)

“Hunt me down?”

“This time of…illogic…strips Vulcans to their base natures.  My senses will be heightened and I will track you by your scent.  Wherever you are, I will find you. You will not be able to hide, though you may try.”

“Will I need to take some time off work?”

“It would be logical for you to do so.”

Sheila closed her eyes.  She made a mental note to check with the captain to see if he could offer her some advice.”

“I cannot promise that I will not hurt you, Sheila.  I will not be myself.”

“I can handle you, K’avir.  I can take it.  But I have a question.  You say you chose me.  When did you do that?”

“When you were still with your former consort.”



“K’avir? K’avir, really?” She hadn’t known that he even noticed her.  Life with Lenny was a hell all its own.

“Yes.  I knew that he abused you and that you tried to hide it.  You could not hide it from me.  It was in your eyes, in your face…and then one day it was not.  Your bruises began to fade and you did not have as many as before.  The look in your eyes changed.  You became harder, tougher and you survived.  You began fighting back.”

She blinked, remembering the pain and the abuse from Lenny until something inside of her snapped.  After he hit her in the kidneys one evening, she couldn’t get up for almost an hour and there was blood in her urine later.  When she was able to move around, she waited for him to sit and read a medical journal and then she smashed one of his large glass baubles against his head and put a shard of glass to his throat.  She made an inch-long cut across his throat and it scared the hell out of him.  After that, whenever he tried to hit her, she hit back, and gave as good as she got.  She broke Lenny’s nose and he stopped hitting her altogether.  From then on, he sought pleasure elsewhere and Sheila was relieved.

“I didn’t know that you knew.”

“I did not understand it either, for my experiences with human females are limited.  I meditated constantly.  Then the opportunity arose for you to gain combat instruction and I wanted the chance to teach you.  Your eagerness to learn stimulated me.  You are a warrior like me, Sheila.  You have that spirit.  You did not let him break you; indeed, you became better after your experience with him.  It is that which drew me to you, which made me choose you.”

“If I had never…would you have told me if I didn’t…the night we first…would you have said anything…?”

“It would have come to pass soon enough.  I have always been aware of your attraction to me.  You were not aware of mine.”

“K’avir,” she breathed, sitting up to put her arms around him.  “I had no idea.”

“I should hope not,” he said.  “I am Vulcan.  For me to reveal anything violates my discipline and training.  I will reveal myself only to you.”

“Good,” she said, nipping his earlobe.

“There are two other things I should mention.  It is something that you must acknowledge.”

“What?”  She pulled away to look at him.  “What is it?”

“The first is obvious.  You cannot bear children.  I am aware of this but it does not diminish my desire for you.”

She blinked rapidly, stunned that he even knew such a thing.  “You don’t have a problem with that?”

“I told you I wanted you just the way you are, Sheila.  I would never try to change you.  I just do not wish for you to worry about something that you cannot control.”

“You do not want children, K’avir?”

“I accept that we will not have children.”

Sheila closed her eyes, hoping that Lenny would burn in seven layers of hell for what he did to her.  She wanted kids and she would have loved being the mother of K’avir’s children.  But it wasn’t meant to be.  “I’m sorry.”

“Why do you apologize?  It was not your choice.”

“I struggle with that some days,” Sheila said.  “I wanted to be a mother and sometimes I think about it and it makes me sad.”

“When you are sad, I will comfort you.  Do not worry.  Now for the other issue.”

“What is it?”

“You were aroused during my confrontation with Lt. Matthews.”

Sheila looked at him.  “Yes.”

“Even though I intended to end his life.”

She looked at him closely.  “I couldn’t help it.  I felt something.”

“What did you feel?”

“Excitement.  Something, I don’t know, basic.  Something…pure.  Ancestral, maybe?  Something about you willing to kill for me.  I wish I could articulate it but I can’t.  Not that I wanted you to kill Julian, but…”

“Is it something that you could live with?  If I should have to take another’s life on your behalf?  I would do that, Sheila.  You must be aware that I will do it if I felt it was necessary.  I know that you can defend yourself, but it does not matter.  I will kill for you, k’diwa.”

“I don’t know, K’avir.  I admit, I got horny when you grabbed him and when you put him down while you were looking at me.  I couldn’t help it.  I don’t want you to kill anyone, but I do understand your desire to protect me.  I have a lot to work out, but I promise that I will work it out.  I don’t quite understand all this yet.”

“It is merely your fighting spirit; your subconscious response to my nature.  You get aroused when we fight.  You are turned on by the very nature of combat, be it positive or negative.  Do not hide it or diminish it.  Accept it and embrace it.  You are my woman, my mate, and it is acceptable behavior for you.  If this starship is attacked by the Empire, you and I will fight side by side.”

“K’avir, I’m a doctor.  I’m supposed to save lives.”

“But you have been forced to take them since the rebellion.  And you have embraced that.”

Sheila nodded.  He was right.  She felt good about every asshole she had to stab, shank, or shoot since Spock committed mutiny and turned against the Empire.  She harbored not one pang of regret or sympathy.  He was right.  She was hard, tough, and she could be ice-cold when it was required.  She was indeed a warrior.  This man was so right for her.  He had been under her nose the entire time, waiting for her to get the courage to change her circumstances.  Sheila felt herself getting warm again.  The painkiller had kicked in several minutes ago and she was very relaxed.  K’avir was an amazing man.  She had been foolish indeed to think that they couldn’t be anything more than sex partners.  She was grateful to the captain for his intervention and forcing her to see things as they truly were.  She could have lost her wonderful Vulcan boyfriend by being blind to one form of expression.

“Stay with me, K’avir.  Do you have duty tonight?”

“No.  I wanted to instruct you on how to use your tachi.”

My tachi?”

“I had it made for you,” he said.  “I would like for you to master it someday.”

“You had that beautiful sword made for me?”

“You are my match,” he said.  “My equal.  My mate.  You should have a particular level of skill in combat.  I feel it is a plausible request.”

“Tell me that you don’t need to be with the captain.”

“I do not unless he requests my presence.  He is in his quarters this evening.”

“So you can stay with me?”

“I would like to stay with you.”

“Then stay.  Don’t leave me.”

K’avir nodded.  “As you wish, ashaya.”

K’avir put his hand on her stomach and moved it back and forth.  He closed his eyes.  Sheila covered his hand with hers, liking the warmth and tenderness he exuded.

“K’avir, I like this.  I want you to touch me like this more often.”

He nodded.  “I will take an afternoon meal with you in the officers’ dining room.  There is a Vulcan chef.  I would like for you to try some Vulcan cuisine.”

Sheila beamed at him.  “I’ll try anything you want.”

“I cannot hold hands, but I will escort you to and from Medical Bay before and after your shift.”

“I can live with that,” she said.  “I want you to teach me how to speak Vulcan,” she said.  “I want to learn everything about you.  I need to know more about this man I love.”

K’avir stared at her belly.  “We will not engage in combat instruction for four days, four hours and forty-five seconds.  Your body must heal.  I have a request.”

“What is it?”

“Do not use the tissue regenerator to repair your arm.  Use a needle.  I would like for you to wear a scar.”

Sheila blinked, but then remembered the night she threw her blade at him and cut him.  He had asked her to use a needle to sew him up.

          “So that everyone knows,” she said.

          “Everyone should know by now,” he replied.  “You have never before made it a secret that I was training you in combat.  It was only with the arrival of Lt. Matthews that you began covering yourself.”

          She stared into his eyes.  “He kept asking questions and I decided on a whim to cover up so he wouldn’t ask me anything else.  I did tell him I was learning to fight, but it wasn’t a sufficient answer for him.  Don’t be mad.  He was concerned for my safety, but he couldn’t understand why I allowed myself to get banged up.  So I just started wearing my coveralls and lab coat.

          “Do not be ashamed of my display of affection.”

          “I’m not.  I’ll never cover up again.”  She sighed as she looked at him.  He started rubbing her legs and she stretched out to give him access.  The room got quiet as K’avir focused his attentions to her calves and ankles.  Sheila wanted to seduce her man, but she simply could not handle it.  Her body throbbed all over and it was nice to lie here and let K’avir tend to her.  How was it that two people could be so into each other like they were?  It was like their bodies were in tune with one another but their minds hadn’t caught on until now.  There was no need for words, for she understood him and he understood her, and all was right with the world.

         When Captain Spock briefed his senior officers the next morning, he was acutely aware of the ship’s Chief Medical Officer and his Chief of Security sitting next to one another.  They were the epitome of professional, listening and participating in the briefing; or at least she participated because he never spoke.  But the captain understood that words weren’t required to see that they had figured out one another.  When the briefing was over, the other officers got up, chatting with one another, but he pulled out her chair and helped her to her feet.  She stood up and they stared at one another for a moment before walking out of the ready room.  It might have taken all of a second, but Spock immediately recognized the intense passion between them and knew that he would have to initiate a bonding ceremony in the very near future.


A/N:  Since this is in essence, an OC fanfic due to the Star Trek references, I haven’t decided if I will continue this story in this form because I’m giving Sheila & K’avir their own series and don’t want to give too much away.  Some of K’avir’s Vulcan culture and background translates easily to his new identity, but most of it must be changed, and I don’t want to be redundant.  But I have not yet decided, as I’m governed by a muse and she may very well decide that there may be more of Sheila & K’avir’s story to be told in this iteration.  If that’s the case, then the only place you’ll find it is here in the Dark.  Thanks for reading and reviewing!  --Amaya


  1. Gerri Grant Gipson10/4/11, 2:53 PM

    I love this story! I see that you have improved on perfection. You know that I personally would love to see a continuation of this story in the Star Trek Mirror Universe. Either way, thanks for these 2 amazing characters!

  2. Thanks so much for the love, guys!

    @Gerri: You never know. You know how it is with me.

    I'm pretty much done with the first draft of S/K's novel, but the Mirrorverse as we know it is a pretty boss place. The muse may catch me on a day where I'm really feeling it and next thing you know, there's a continuation. K'avir's Pon Farr and all...


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