Musings in the Dark: "Precession," part 9


"Precession," part 9

Parts 1 - 8

Part 9

          When I brought Orion Jr. home, I expected to see Phaedra huddled up with CJ, dirty dishes in the sink, rose petals and blankets on the floor, candles burnt low, residual music emanating from the speakers…any evidence that they spent the weekend fucking each other’s brains out.  I mean, that was what it would have been like if it were us having a weekend of makeup sex.  She answered the door and I was stunned to see her apartment spotless.  I didn’t like the way her eyes looked.
          “Hey,” she said to me.  Orion Jr. walked in and hugged her waist and she smattered his little face with kisses.  “How’s my baby?  What did you and Daddy do?  Did you go shopping?  What is all this?”
          Orion started talking a mile a minute, as boisterous six-year-olds do, compressing our weekend into a five-minute monologue as Phaedra led him into the apartment.  I closed the door and surveyed the rooms.  There was no sign of anything other than it appeared Phaedra spent the weekend alone.  If she did, CJ was a fucking fool.  If he didn’t take advantage of the opportunity, then he didn’t deserve her and he was going to make it far too easy for me to take her away from him.
          “Go put your stuff away.  Are you hungry, baby?”
          “No.  Daddy and me got lunch.”
          “Did you have a nap?”
          “No,” I said.  “He needs one; we’ve been going nonstop since eight this morning.  I took him to the zoo.”
          “Taz,” Phaedra said, kneeling to kiss his forehead.  “You need to go and take a nap.  Put your things away and leave your dirty clothes in your hamper and take a nap.  Mommy has to have a chat with Daddy, and then she’ll come in there with you.”
        He grinned.  “You don’t have to come in my room, Mommy.  You can talk to Daddy.”
          I grabbed his bags and carried them into his room while Phaedra removed his coat.  “Wash your face,” she said.
          When I came back out, Phaedra was in the kitchen.  I took off my coat and hung it up before joining her.  “He’s watching television.  He’ll be asleep in ten minutes.”
          “It looks like he had a good time this weekend.”
          “I did my best to make sure he did, Phaedra.”
          “Thanks, O.”
          “No need to thank me, Phaedra.  I have so much to make up for.  I can get him anytime, and you can drop him off at my house whenever you want.  He loves it there.”
          She smiled weakly.  “Good to know.”
          I decided to inform her.  “You may want to find out about Alexa at school.  Orion Jr. told me that she kisses him on the cheek every day.”
          Phaedra looked at me.  “What?”
          “He told me that some girl named Alexa likes kissing him.”
          “Some little skank is kissing my son?”
          “Phaedra, it’s harmless.  He mentioned it casually while he was drawing pictures.  I thought you should know.”
          “Why didn’t he tell me?  I didn’t know Taz knew anything about kissing.”
          “He knows more than you think.  Ask him about Alexa.”
          “Oh, I will,” she said.  “I’m not trying to have those little hoochies all up on my baby.”
          I smiled, changing the subject.  “Did you and CJ have that romantic weekend you planned?”
          She looked at me.  “We got into a fight and the weekend never took place.”
          “What did you want to do?”
          She looked out the window.  “I was making him a porterhouse and a large loaded baked potato and I was going to serve it in a French Maid’s costume, and then sit in his lap and feed him.  Then I was going to lead him into the living room and perform a striptease and get him to follow me to the bed.  And then I was going to smother him in sex.”
          I swallowed and then coughed.  Stupid fucking asshole.  “Phaedra, I have to ask…what the hell is his problem?  He can’t blame all this on me.  I haven’t done a thing to disrupt your relationship…other than…”
          She shrugged.  “I was telling him about all you did to make Taz welcome and how good it was for both of you to have private time together.  And that I was glad you are now in his life.  He got mad; he felt slighted because he’s been a father figure to Taz for two years.  I told him I never discounted or ignored his influence on my baby, and I was thankful for him.”
          “He thinks that I’ve become a completely different woman since you came back.”
          “In what way?”
          “I don’t know.  I guess it’s because I get a little nervous around you.  CJ sees it, he senses it, but I told him that he had nothing to fear.  He accused me of still being in love with you.  I told him, honestly, that I would always love you; just like I told you that night, but I wasn’t in love with you.  There are far too many unresolved issues between us for me to blindly fall back into your arms.”
          “He’s jealous.”
          “Yes.  My relationship with him is good, is strong—at least I thought it was—but it isn’t what we had.  I don’t expect that from him and he shouldn’t expect it from me.  I told him that, but maybe I should have never told him how it was between us.  He thinks that he’ll never truly have my heart because I gave it to you and you threw it away, and that I’m scared he will do it too.  I guess I do hold back at times, but I love CJ.”
          “Phaedra, I wish I could take it all back.  I wish I could undo your hurt.”
          “I’m not hurt anymore, Orion.  I got over you.  I moved on.  It was just a shock that you came back as suddenly as you left.  I admit, some stuff I thought was dead and buried came up when you knocked on my door.  I’m working it out, but apparently not fast enough for CJ’s sake.  Damn you for that, Orion.”
          “I’m sorry about this, Phaedra.  Did you break up with CJ?”
          “No.  I’ll just give him the space he needs and he’ll come back to me.  He’s angry, but he’s worth waiting for.”
          I walked up to her and put my arms around her.  She didn’t pull away and I kissed her forehead.  “If it means anything, I broke up with Nysha.  All I want is to establish a solid relationship with my son.  I won’t let anything stand between him and me.”
          She looked up at me, her eyes glassy.  “So help me, Orion…if you leave Taz again; if you walk away, if you lie to him, if you hurt him in any way…I will kill you, do you understand me?  He adores you; he thinks his Daddy can walk on water.  I will not have my child devastated if you decide to get a case of happy feet!  You’d better be certain that you are in his life to stay.  I don’t matter, but he does.”  She dug her fingernails into my chin and I groaned.  It turned me on.  “Don’t hurt our son.”
          “Phaedra, I’m not leaving him again.  I love my little boy.  I always have.  I’m in a position to take proper care of him, and of you.”
          “I don’t require it.”
          “I want to do it anyway.”  I started kissing her hairline and rubbing her arms.  “I want to take care of you.  I want to do what I should have done years ago.”
          She didn’t turn away as my kisses moved across her forehead.  Her skin was warm and smooth.  “I need you, Phaedra.”
          “You’re not pining away over CJ.”
          “I shed my tears.  Besides,” she said, lifting her face so that she could look at me and I could kiss her nose, “he’ll be back.  He left, but he didn’t leave.”
          I increased the pressure on her arms and moved my hands so that they were at her throat.  Her pulse beat like a hummingbird’s wings and she swallowed.  “I’m not leaving either,” I said.  “I don’t care what happens, Phaedra.  I’m not leaving you again.  I don’t care what you do.  I don’t care what you say.  I don’t care if you marry CJ.  I love you.  I’m not leaving you.”
          “How can I possibly believe a word you say, Orion?”
          I massaged her neck and kissed the skin underneath her beautiful eyes.  “You don’t have to.  I’ll show you.”
          “How can I ever trust you again?”
          I kissed the corners of her mouth and slid my veed fingers up to caress her earlobes and heard her moan softly.  Her ears were extremely sensitive.  “You have to let me earn it.  Have I given you any reason not to as far as our son is concerned?  Since I’ve been back?”
          “No,” she said, rubbing her nose against my chin.
          “Then give me a chance, Phaedra.  Please.”
          She gripped the collar of my shirt and moaned again.  “I hate you,” she murmured.  “I hate what you do to me, what you’ve done to me, what you did to me…”
          “Do you want me to stop?” I asked as I kissed the tip of her nose and then pressed a light one against her lips.  “I’ll stop if you tell me to stop.”
          A short, strangled gasp escaped her.  “I hate that I’m so stupid when it comes to you.  I hate that I’m so weak.  I thought I was over you, you bastard…”

Uhhh, no.

1 comment:

  1. I love the caption. It was exactly what I was thinking!


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