No, I’m Not Ready to Learn…

New song:  EPIC FAIL

Last week, Brian McKnight released a new track entitled “If You’re Ready To Learn.”  Those who are fans of Mr. McKnight (and I’m not one of them) know him as a romantic R&B crooner.  But with this track, he took a sharp left turn and deviated into an area largely dominated by entertainers (I refuse to call them singers) like Trey Songz & Chris Brown.  The song in question is about Brian supposedly teaching a woman about how her pussy works.  And yes, there is video evidence to support it. 

Yes, you just heard Brian McKnight sing “Let me show you how your pussy works/Since you didn’t bring it to me first/I have lots of things to show you/If you’re ready to learn/ Let me show you how your pussy works/Bet you didn’t know that it could squirt/I have lots of things to show you/If you’re ready to learn…”

What’s funny about all of this is how happy and how PROUD he is of this song.  He’s practically giddy with joy.  I love how he hit the high note on the word “pussy.”  As an artist myself, I feel like every one of us should be proud of what we produce and let our efforts speak for themselves.  Having said that, here’s my $.02 on Mr. McKnight’s latest effort:

How can you, a man, tell a woman how her pussy works?  Just what makes you an expert on the female body in such a way that you can explain to what I hope is an ADULT female how her sexual organs function?  Who are you to say that you know exactly what it takes to get a woman off, and are inclined to make the assumption that the same things work for every single one of us?  Motherfucker, you can’t show me shit.  If you came at me like this, my pussy will turn into the fucking Sahara and try to kill you.  Then you can find the blackest part of my ass and kiss it.

*rolls eyes and sucks teeth* The line “Since you didn’t bring it to me first” gives me all kinds of heebie jeebies.  A young girl *bletch* wouldn’t know about squirting.  Could it be possible that Mr. McKnight is, in a roundabout way, suggesting that young women let him be the one to pop the cherry?  If so, eeeew, and break out the can of creepazoid repellent.  Maybe I’m reading way too much into these lyrics, but since there will be young girls listening to this song, my Spidey senses can’t help but tingle.  I find this piece of shit condescending and insulting.  A woman should always be the first to know exactly how her body works, and to wait for a man of Brian McKnight’s ilk to instruct her on the mysteries of her vajayjay is sheer stupidity on her part. 

There is a faction of McKnight fans who like the track and will support him.  That’s fine; one’s fanbase should be stalwart.  But it is my understanding that he has alienated a lot of his fanbase (mostly women) with such explicit lyrics.  They’ve come to expect a certain type of music from him; not something like this, which is better received from a Trey Songz type, and they are definitely letting him know.

Now I mentioned earlier that Mr. McKnight is visibly excited about his new song.  He talks about its genesis and demonstrates two cuts of the track; the studio version and a raw form.  He’s happy; he’s proud, like any artist should be.  You get the impression that this is all very serious to him.  Then, all of a sudden, the song became “a parody” and “a joke” when all of the negative backlash started coming in.

Here is a definition of “parody” as it relates to music:

The practice of reworking an already established composition, especially the incorporation into the mass of material borrowed from other works, such as motets or madrigals.           Source:  The Free Dictionary

Brian McKnight, I call bullshit.  Bull-motherfucking-shit!!!  That song was no joke, and it can’t be a parody because there isn’t an original version preceding it.  It is the original.  You meant that song; you can’t take it back just because most folks weren’t feeling it.  Own it, Brian.  Own it; don’t apologize for it.  If people don’t like it, they don’t like it, but don’t go back on your own feelings about a song you created that you clearly were delighted by.  Every thing ain't for everybody.

When reading the comments on the video, 98% of them were lambasting Mr. McKnight for the track.  2% were in support of the song, but of these 2%, I strongly suspect that he made up 50%.  Those comments just reek of obviousness.  I can’t prove this, of course, but I trust my gut.  I scanned Mr. McKnight’s Twitter feed last week.  He was really upset by the backlash, to the extent that he was engaged for several hours in arguments with some of his followers.  He tweeted the following last Tuesday:

“okay im taking it down and ill never do it again im putting up a safe song jeez no sense of humor but i trended for a little while,” he Tweeted. Later, he added, “It’s funny how we listen and let our kids listen to songs about killing people and selling drugs and calling women bitches … I wrote this song crude as it may be about satisfying all women and look what happened.”   Emphasis mine on the bold text.

Of course, I zoned in on the bold phrase because, as I said before, I find it to be presumptuous and arrogant for any man to claim to be able to do this.  He can think it all he wants, but he better not let the words cross his lips, and he should strongly consider it before pressing SEND.  And for damn sure, don’t write a song about it…and then claim shenanigans when it backfires.

One article claimed that Mr. McKnight is acting out of desperation to save his career, since his last album (which came out last year) sold only 47,000 copies.  I’m guessing we won’t have to wait long to see how that turns out.