Musings in the Dark: Moving the Thermostat...


Moving the Thermostat...

A while back, I wrote a post about passive men.  In this post, I made mention of a man who I know likes me and wants to go out with me.  But his passive nature makes it difficult for me to take his interest seriously.  Last week, I wrote a post about my slant on back-to-back relationships.  In this post, I said the following:

“But it is difficult for a guy to move my thermostat even slightly; something substantial has to occur for me to take note…”

A couple of ladies knew exactly what I meant, and since I wrote that particular phrase, said guy in the aforementioned post finally asked me out…via text message.  It really got me to thinking about what it takes to move my needle.  I haven’t spent much time thinking about it prior to last week, but this, combined with my handyman episode earlier in the week, I must take some time to consider such things. 

A bit of backtrack:  This past weekend, I was in the mood for some home-cooked goodness.  I have a tendency to make too much food.  My handyman came by to repair my sink and while working, asked me what I was having.  I told him and offered him some to take home.  Now he’d mentioned when I was making the appointment that he was going to be working until midnight that night, and I just thought it would be a nice gesture.  For all intents and purposes, I’m a good Southern girl with good Southern values (mostly), and there was NOTHING else in mind when I offered the food. 

Apparently, he thought differently because after that, he started openly flirting with me.  He kept telling me I was beautiful and gorgeous, that I had a good personality and that I was a nice person…shit like that.  I am NOT impressed when a man says these things to me, mainly because he doesn’t know who I am.  But I do, and confirmation of my beauty is not an inroad to my heart.  He asked me what I was looking for in a man, and I began my reply with, “If I WAS looking…”

I’m not that nice. 

But he wasn’t perturbed.  When he finished working, he asked me to call him sometime.  I replied with, “If I call, I’m sure it will be about you needing to fix something.”  I wasn’t being harsh or rude, just honest and blunt.  I don’t think he realized what I meant, but that’s okay.  He’s a great handyman, and that is a VALUABLE commodity.  Not trying to mess that up.

With Mr. Handyman and Mr. Passive, I had no response whatsoever.  Nothing.  Nada.  Zilch.  You get the idea.  When I thought about these events later, I wondered aloud to my besties if they found it weird that I was icy when decent men were being sincere in their attentions.  What it boiled down to is that it wasn’t me; it was their milquetoast approaches to me.  Too many women lament about being unable to find a decent man (but that’s because they’re not looking in the right places, or gasp! shouldn’t be looking at all), and I certainly didn’t want to come across as siddidy or stuck-up, but the facts are what they are.  Physical attractiveness notwithstanding, I respond to strong, confident men who are quick on their feet and who can pick up on my subconscious nonverbal cues.  There is also the issue of attraction itself, which manifests via interaction.  I’ve had enough interaction with both men to know for sure that there is no there there.

An acquaintance said, “Girl you never know; don’t restrict God!  His blessings come in all shapes and sizes; he may be just what you need!”

If God had anything at all to do with this situation, then I would have felt something.  Contrary to popular belief, I know what I need.

I’ve heard a lot of women say about their husbands, “I didn’t like him when we first met, but he wore me down!”

Not interested in a guy using himself as a pumice stone.

One of my besties said, “The really exciting guys have many options and the rest of them feel like they have nothing to lose.”

How utterly dreadful.

I know I'm rambling, but clearly I'm trying to work some things out.  Comments and insights are definitely welcome.

to be continued…


  1. And maybe not in the case of Mr. Passive and Mr. Handyman, but speaking from personal experience, there are cases where there are good decent, attractive men that sometimes, you just aren't attracted to them.

    Doesn't necessarily mean they have a flaw or a shortcoming, they are probably a great catch, they just aren't for me.

    And I'd much rather them find someone who they're meant to be with than for me to snag them and neither of us be happy when someone who would fully appreciate them could be waiting in the wings.

  2. Sorry, that last comment was me. Amaya. Blogger didn't load the name and URL to let me comment.

  3. I concur. Really good point, Neo!


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