Musings in the Dark: What I Require


What I Require

There is an age-old activity that women do, especially young ones.  They like to make a list of requirements they want in a man.  I used to do this very same thing when I was in college because it was what women did.  My lists were always a bit different from other girls because I had different sensibilities.  There were similar requirements on every list.  Here’s an example.  He’s gotta have/be…

Tall (6” and up)
Handsome (goateed, pretty eyes, skin, and teeth; model looks)
Big Dick/Can fuck
Swag/Be a baller
Make lots of money (so he can take care of me)
Drive a fly-ass car (whatever the new flashy ride is)
Clean, well-dressed (expensive suits; typically a designer is named)
No kids

Sound familiar?  At least some aspects of it?

Leslie Jones, a comedienne, said that she wrote a similar list.  It was long and detailed and included specifics like education and integrity.  When she went back and examined the list sometime later, she determined that the man on the list was too good for her.  To paraphrase, she said, "I can't pull this motherfucker!"  I would assume that when she looked at her list and compared said traits with her own, she realized that she came up short.  She wanted him to have things and be something that she did not have and was not going to be.  A pairing like this is one that is described using the term “unequally yoked.”

You want someone who drives a Bentley, lives in a nice house, dresses in Versace, makes a shitload of money and has no children, but you don’t have a car or your own place, you barely make ends meet, and you have four kids.  How is that even fair?

I said in a previous post, “Most men who are serious about attachment want women who can meet them on their level…”  And if you’ve read any portion of my blog, you know that I, and women like me, expect the same.

But I digress.  This post is about my list of requirements.  It is not superficial; rather, carefully and methodically constructed after years of experience.  It’s said that with each relationship iteration, you figure out what you really want and what you absolutely will not put up with.  The following list is what I require, and I have clarified exactly what I mean with each attribute.  Any man worthy of being in my life must have these characteristics and rest assured that I will meet him almost point for point.

1.  Intelligent:  Well-read and versed in a variety of subjects. A passion for knowledge, the ability to carry on a stimulating conversation & is a geek/nerd/fanboy about something.

2.  Appealing:  Attractive and sexy, with a great personality and the ability to be flexible.  Doesn't mind leading or being led, and is enthusiastic and willing to explore any and all aspects of our relationship.

3.  Hard-working:  Goal-oriented and understands his role in the alignment.

4.  Funny: A wacky, goofy sense of humor, the ability to be silly, and the ability to find hilarity in almost anything.

5.  Patient (Now this is the one point where I freely admit I struggle)

Some people are probably thinking that I didn't say anything specific about looks, hygiene or grooming.  As far as I'm concerned, those items are understood and do not require elucidation.  What woman worth her salt would consider dating a nasty man? And I don't mean nasty in the good way.

Got your own list?  Is it the same as mine or wildly deviant?  If you haven’t done so, I encourage you to take the time and develop your own.  If you happen to be in a relationship when your list is made and you find yourself comparing it to the person you have in your life and see that they come up short, well… 


  1. I've noticed that looks are meaning less and less to me as I get older. I don't want a man who's always at the gym, because I won't be. I don't want some baby-skinned vegan, 'cause I don't have that discipline. He doesn't need to be a six-footer; I'm a pygmy and not one to talk.

    I tend to focus on whether on not someone's interesting. And since different people are interesting in different ways, there's no specific criteria a person can conform to. Either I find them interesting or I don't, and there's nothing they can do to change that.

  2. And therein lies the main difference between the list of a girl and the list of a grown-ass woman; a baseline. Appearance is subjective because each one of us is getting older and looks will change, but the things you find interesting about her/him shouldn't.

  3. Hey. Me

    Well hey, I ain't gonna even fake the funk. I do want a man blessed down below AND can work it, a combination that is extremely rare, a-hem. But I"m just being real about that ONE aspect, because my body changed at 30, ladies....whoooo! And simply put I need a man to meet me at my point?

    One thing that is soooo sexy, ladies, is when a man is "In Tune" with his woman, his family and who he is.... I really stress this aspect, because I love when a man takes care of his mama, granny, and children, can finish my sentence, knows my triggers(emotions),and can give me a look across the room at a card party, then we be boo'd up somewhere or jetted and no one knows we even left! hahahaha

    Lastly, I love a man who is aware/ informed. This man knows how to use his hands to build me a treehouse, a deck. He knows things when I have questions about the car, motorcyle, and how to stay on the right side of the law...

    Oh, and yeah...hee hee. A man who is big and tall, 6'2"- 6'4", because I need to feel protected... Im silly, I know!
    B Boogie

  4. Hey B Boogie, welcome to the Dark! By all means, share your list, and I bet if we were to simplify your needs, we'd find that they do fall in line with what most of us real women want. "Real" meaning we have our shit together and can say what it is we need out of a connection. I like to think that I've simplified what most of us want underneath five headings.

    Security is a very big thing for me as well, but for me, that falls between Appealing & Goal-Oriented as a combination/result of other traits. There is nothing wrong with needing to feel protected, and for damn sure nothing silly about, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Again welcome, and share your thoughts with us anytime!

  5. Thanks for making me feel welcomed!! Thank you for your prescious insite.... This is my year, it has been revealed to me.... I'm anxiously awaiting what it could be... unless,that is, if Monday's surprize at work was it. BBoogie

  6. A really interesting post. I think that, as a man, your revised list has merit... except I do wonder about the patience thing because you did say it doesn't make sense to ask someone else to do or be something you can't do or be, no offense... unless "working on it" is acceptable to him.

    Great post - glad I found it.

  7. @KDaddy,

    None taken. That's why I said almost, and it's another reason I'm not actively seeking to be boo'ed up. Now I've been told that the right one will be patient with me while I'm struggling with my own, but since there are no guarantees...


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