Musings in the Dark: The Power of the Pussy

6/02/2011

The Power of the Pussy

When I was actively dating, one of the things I always understood was the level of connection and understanding I had with the guy in question.  I’m grown and I deal with grown men, so there was no mystery about my expectations of him and his expectations of me.  We would take care of each other in the ways that men and women do.  I’m an independent woman, and real men appreciate that, but that does not mean there is nothing he can do for me.

When I was dating, there were certain things I didn’t have to be concerned with.  Why?  Because I knew what I had and what he wanted.  He knew what he had and what I wanted, and I am speaking of more than just sex, in case you’re wondering.  These things were understoodThis is why I am confuzzled by some women today.    I hear them complain:

“My car needs servicing, but…”

“I need gas in my car, but…”

“I wanna get my hair done, but…”

“I want this new dress, but...”

“I want to go out to eat, but…”

“I need a few bills paid, but…”

The “but” is typically a reference as to why she is unable to accomplish these things.  The problem is that she has a boyfriend (serious), and he isn’t taking care of those mundane responsibilities.  He should be, and I have to wonder if he knows that he should.

Now, a woman should define for herself what a serious relationship is.  Does she have a concrete connection with her boo where they communicate needs and wants, pay attention to each other, and make plans for the future?  What are some fundamental requirements that he has for her?  Does he want her to look good?  Does he want her safe?  Does he get pleasure from pleasing her?  What are her requirements?  Does she want him to fix things that are broken, cut the grass, take out the trash?  Whatever it is, it needs to be established and roles defined. 

When I was in my last serious relationship, my boyfriend made sure my car was full of gas and detailed regularly.  If he didn’t do it himself, he took it somewhere to make sure it was done.  If he saw something that was broken in my house, he got it fixed.  He paid for my hair, bought me shoes, and took care of me.  In return, I cooked for him, kept his clothes laundered, and saw to it that he was undisturbed when he needed to work.  And if he came up short every now and then, I had his back.

The question I pose is this:  What do you think a man should be doing in your life?  Theoretically, his presence should elevate you and make you better.  Not worse, because you can do bad by your damn self.  If you are in a serious relationship and you are sharing something precious, then not only should he service your car, but also do it without you having to ask him to do it.  Because you have a real connection, he should want to take care of you and want the best for you.  He wants his woman to be beautiful, so he doesn’t mind shelling out the C-notes to pay for her hair, nails, or a new outfit.  If he loves you, then he can pay some of your bills every now and then when you’re short.  It has nothing to do with a woman being dependent on a man, but it has everything to do with building a successful union with said man.  Most men who are serious about attachment want women who can meet them on their level,  not kowtow to less-worthy ladies who only want what they can take.

Women who have boyfriends that live with them free of charge and have to handle every aspect of the relationships do a lot of complaining.  When I hear the “My car needs gas,” comment, I ask, “I thought you had a boyfriend?”  The response usually is, “He don’t have no money,” or “He ain’t about to get up off my couch and go to the gas station.”

To which my response is, “Perche?” (‘Why’ in Italian; done for dramatic effect)

Their response:  A shrug, or “I don’t know.”

My silent response: You’ve got a pussy, but you’re not using it.  Not properly, anyway. You’ve got a brain and you’re not using it at all. 

Janet KNEW what she was talkin' about.
You’re doing all this stuff, but what is the benefit to you?  You’re breaking him off sexually, but what is he doing for you?  If you are in a serious relationship, then you should benefit from each other.  When this gets one sided, a woman should ask herself, “Why am I with this guy?”  Or better yet, whip out Janet Jackson’s best-selling album Control and play Track #3:  “What Have You Done For Me Lately?”  Janet’s speaking the truth and the truth never gets old.

Ask yourself.  Better yet, ask him.  You may find out some things about the true nature of your relationship, and it probably isn’t what you think.

9 comments:

  1. So very true! My man does those things for me like giving me money for this and that. I have power of the pussy in that area. What I need is power of the pussy in the land of the dick. Somebody help a sister out!

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  2. Woman, how did I miss this? Hell to the yeah to the cosign all the way!!!!

    These are the women you just want to haul back and bitch-slap. You just want to snap at them, "Replace him, already!"

    As I reenter the dating world, I'm all about some responsible, predictable men. I'm, ahem, also "grown", so I understand that things aren't like they were when I was in college. Some of these men have kids, some have a divorce or two in their pockets, and in light of the recession, some may have lost their jobs because of some dim-witted CEO.

    I get it. And I'm willing to cut a man some slack, but he has to meet me half way. If I'm busting my ass for me and mines, he needs to show me he is too.

    This one dude I was seeing recently told me on our first date he had a child. I don't like guys with kids, but I was like, "It's the first date. Chill." Then he casually mentioned how the child is 5 years old, but he ain't seen him in two years. Not because he's not allowed...he just hasn't.

    It ALL went downhill from there. *shudder*

    That type of shit is a deal-breaker for me. As in, I'm already planning my replacement, 'cause hell no. And later, when I found out he wasn't paying child support.......

    But I digress.

    Another deal-breaker for me is feeling like I'm not a high priority. If he's making major decisions, I better be a major factor in every single one of those decision (hence my preference for men without children). Otherwise it's replacement time. Men wanted to be factored in our decisions, so they need to reciprocate.

    Acceptance is also a big deal. I don't want any kids, and I don't want some man to think if he just bides his time, he will convert me. No, no...I will let him know upfront what's up, and he better not backpedal down the line.

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  3. I've seen it one too many times: woman with her own house/car/job dating some guy that dont' have his own. I refuse to put up with it so I'm single.
    Like Ank I also get approached by men who have children but have never been married. Two weeks ago this 49 year old man tried to get my number. Said he had a 5 year old but had never been married. What kinds 40 something man has a baby mama and is at the club trying to get numbers! Sadly online dating just seems to attract the same losers.

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  4. Two weeks ago this 49 year old man tried to get my number. Said he had a 5 year old but had never been married. What kinds 40 something man has a baby mama and is at the club trying to get numbers!

    Say whaaaaaaat?

    What kills me is how they say this sort of thing like it's okay. Like it's cool to be "that guy" in that situation.

    Men like this have no shame, otherwise they wouldn't be out trying to get some. They'd be home reevaluating their lives and taking care of business.

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  5. Girl, he probably got a WIFE at home and still out chasing tail. And what's worse, he's succeeding. If he was an unmitigated failure at this, he wouldn't be doing it.

    It's sad to know just how low some women are willing to go to get booed up. 49 and at the club with a kid he may not be taking care of? What that says about him, but what it says about a woman who's willing to get with him is far, far worse.

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  6. RE: not being a high priority

    I had to let the guy I was "seeing" last year go cause he would just leave town for the weekend and not tell me! I couldn't believe he could text/call me all week yet never mention he was leaving the state. That let me know he didn't give a fuck about me. I had to pick up my pride and walk away.

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  7. @modest-goddess:

    WTH?

    Now see, at least you had the good sense to ignore his words and recognize his actions. Some women will cling to the honey that drips from his mouth like it's the God-honest truth and disregard the fact that he's seeing her when it's convenient for him. I'm sorry your pride was hurt, but you knew that you deserved better. So fuck that motherfucker. You did right.

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  8. Hello. I was looking for a definition of what Power of the Pussy was on the internet, and stumbled across this blog. I wasn't sure if this was just for friends, so I hope you don't mind...

    I am seeing a man I really need to cut loose. Not that I can't, but I do love him. I have been seeing him off and on for over 3 years and I am tired of hearing "your pussy was made for me", and not really seeing the bennies of my love and my time. I broke it off with him earlier this year when he told me he had a girlfriend???????? I was livid, as I would have thought he woulda chosen me, not put some random chick in cold off the bench! But he told me it was because we never spoke about a relationship and he admitted he f'd up. So I dipped and after a few months, he took a chance and text me and I responded, something he thought I wouldn't do. But I did, hoping to see a new and improved him. What I did see was that he did break it off with this female, his closeness and "intune-ness" with me. He even told me, yet again, that he wanted us to be the "m" word within a year, nothing big tho. But now, that baby mama drama comes and goes.

    He admitted to me she "controls him with their child", and I am like, how? why? and trust me, what she did last week, she shouldn't even be a mom... But I am a "baby mama" too, so I know he can have a decent relationship with his child( of which he plays both rolls), but he is seemingly allowing himself to sniff his babymama every fart!!!! So I need to back up off this man quite possibly for a year or more, until he can be "All the Man That I Need" at which time, I want to tap into this "Power". Please be gentle :-)B Boogie

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  9. B Boogie, this blog is for anyone who drops by and can relate or have a constructive opinion on its contents. I like hearing from women in various relationships because it helps my perspective when I write these posts.

    Now I'm not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. But I would like to address your concern. It sounds like you're being played. Now let me say that I am all for baby daddies being active fathers, and that is possible to do without a serious connection with the mother. You mentioned that he told you his baby's mother controls him with his child, but that in itself is a form of control on you. IMO, he can use that as a way to have his cake and eat it too.

    Only you know what it is you can put up with and what you can't. I believe that your brain/instincts are telling you what you must do and your heart (because it's caught up) won't let you do what you should. Men do play on our emotions and use them against us. Just because you've been with him for 3+ years doesn't mean you have to stay with him. That kind of thinking kills women.

    B, you have ALL the power here, all the control. All you have to do is tap into it, tell him to STEP, and then mean it. Don't let him back into your life. Don't take his calls, don't let him drop by for a visit, end everything. He will go back and forth between you and baby momma as long as YOU allow him to.

    It's been my experience that men will do whatever women let them get away with. I always believe any woman deserves better, and you certainly do. Own it and tell him to go. Any man can be upgraded. Just sayin'.

    Come back anytime, you're more than welcome here.

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