First off, let me state for the record: I’m single and happily so.
I wasn’t always, and having had that experience has really made me appreciate my current lifestyle. I’ve never been one to stay manned-up, mainly because of the distraction that really serious relationships are. But I have dated seriously, and can therefore speak about this. Before you start assuming that I’m one of those women who hate men and have been dogged out, nothing could be further from the truth. All of the men I dated seriously are very good men and will make (or have made) other women excellent husbands. I value my body far too much than to just throw my sex at any man; I don’t give a shit how fine he is. Hell, I’m picky about my shoes and they go on my feet.
After my last relationship ended (where my ex thought I would break down and cry; he was sorely disappointed), I didn’t try to get involved with anyone else. My duty as a caregiver ended and for a while, I was lost. I had no idea who I was as a woman, and my femininity had shriveled up like a raisin. I had no desire to do much of anything because I was tired. People encouraged me to go out and I just couldn’t bring myself to get near a guy, much less date one. Family members told me it was time for me to get married, and the very thought of it made me nauseous.
Years later, I understand why. I didn't want to be crowded. And I’m grateful that I listened to my own instincts and did what my heart and mind needed me to do: heal. Recover. Rediscover. Redefine. Being single allowed me to do just that. I dealt with my past hurts and failed relationships; I found my femininity and sexuality, and I found freedom in finding me and being me. I now know exactly who I am and what I like. I’ve learned that I’m not meant to walk the path that most women take, and that it’s perfectly okay. I’m truly enjoying my life for the first time in over two decades and I’m having a ball doing everything that I want to do when I want to do it. Being constantly manned-up can blind a woman to this realization. If I had gotten married during those tumultuous years, I would have been screwed (and not in a good way). How fair would it have been to him for me to commit without knowing who I really was? The marriage wouldn’t have lasted and his time (and mine) would have been wasted.
Once upon a time, I longed to get in my car and drive away...now I keep a bag packed just because I can get away anytime I choose, without having to clear it with a boyfriend or make arrangements for the care of another. Once upon a time, I had to worry about how my decisions affected those around me; now I don’t give a damn, because it’s all about me. I can change my appearance at will, without having to worry about what HE thinks and HIS approval. I can spend my money any way I please and I don’t have to negotiate my budget and hide my purchases. I can lounge around my house and stay in bed all day if I feel like it. If I don’t want to cook, I don’t cook. If I don’t want to clean my house, I don’t. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I can choose to be wonderfully and completely unreliable, and unless it’s something I want to do, I am. I won’t even get a pet!
Another benefit of being single for a considerable amount of time? I know my body far better now than I did back then. I know exactly what it takes to keep an instrument as fine as this *slaps ass* perfectly tuned. I know in which direction my desires flow and I can give my next man a proper instruction and maintenance manual so that he’ll know what he’s dealing with and how to handle it. I don’t think there’s a real man out there who will begrudge a woman who can give him a road map to her orgasm, and I’m not just talking about sexual ones. I know who I am, what I like, and what I want. I like my life and I’m in no hurry to change it.
My question to women in unsatisfied relationships: Do you know who you are? If you don’t, you can be sure he doesn’t know either. If you go from boyfriend to boyfriend because you think you can’t be alone, know that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Plenty of women are walking around in relationships, yet are lonely as hell. It’s okay to take time off from being a girlfriend and figure out the woman in you. You can’t do that if you stay manned-up.
After my last relationship ended (where my ex thought I would break down and cry; he was sorely disappointed), I didn’t try to get involved with anyone else. My duty as a caregiver ended and for a while, I was lost. I had no idea who I was as a woman, and my femininity had shriveled up like a raisin. I had no desire to do much of anything because I was tired. People encouraged me to go out and I just couldn’t bring myself to get near a guy, much less date one. Family members told me it was time for me to get married, and the very thought of it made me nauseous.
Years later, I understand why. I didn't want to be crowded. And I’m grateful that I listened to my own instincts and did what my heart and mind needed me to do: heal. Recover. Rediscover. Redefine. Being single allowed me to do just that. I dealt with my past hurts and failed relationships; I found my femininity and sexuality, and I found freedom in finding me and being me. I now know exactly who I am and what I like. I’ve learned that I’m not meant to walk the path that most women take, and that it’s perfectly okay. I’m truly enjoying my life for the first time in over two decades and I’m having a ball doing everything that I want to do when I want to do it. Being constantly manned-up can blind a woman to this realization. If I had gotten married during those tumultuous years, I would have been screwed (and not in a good way). How fair would it have been to him for me to commit without knowing who I really was? The marriage wouldn’t have lasted and his time (and mine) would have been wasted.
Once upon a time, I longed to get in my car and drive away...now I keep a bag packed just because I can get away anytime I choose, without having to clear it with a boyfriend or make arrangements for the care of another. Once upon a time, I had to worry about how my decisions affected those around me; now I don’t give a damn, because it’s all about me. I can change my appearance at will, without having to worry about what HE thinks and HIS approval. I can spend my money any way I please and I don’t have to negotiate my budget and hide my purchases. I can lounge around my house and stay in bed all day if I feel like it. If I don’t want to cook, I don’t cook. If I don’t want to clean my house, I don’t. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I can choose to be wonderfully and completely unreliable, and unless it’s something I want to do, I am. I won’t even get a pet!
Another benefit of being single for a considerable amount of time? I know my body far better now than I did back then. I know exactly what it takes to keep an instrument as fine as this *slaps ass* perfectly tuned. I know in which direction my desires flow and I can give my next man a proper instruction and maintenance manual so that he’ll know what he’s dealing with and how to handle it. I don’t think there’s a real man out there who will begrudge a woman who can give him a road map to her orgasm, and I’m not just talking about sexual ones. I know who I am, what I like, and what I want. I like my life and I’m in no hurry to change it.
My question to women in unsatisfied relationships: Do you know who you are? If you don’t, you can be sure he doesn’t know either. If you go from boyfriend to boyfriend because you think you can’t be alone, know that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Plenty of women are walking around in relationships, yet are lonely as hell. It’s okay to take time off from being a girlfriend and figure out the woman in you. You can’t do that if you stay manned-up.
First of all, LOVING your pictures.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, this:
Do you know who you are? If you don’t, you can be sure he doesn’t know either. If you go from boyfriend to boyfriend because you think you can’t be alone, know that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Plenty of women are walking around in relationships, yet are lonely as hell. It’s okay to take time off from being a girlfriend and figure out the woman in you. You can’t do that if you stay manned-up.
The perfect ending. This is about identity and self-worth, and I don't think this is a convo a lot of women are willing to have with themselves.
Once upon a time, I longed to get in my car and drive away...now I keep a bag packed just because I can get away anytime I choose, without having to clear it with a boyfriend or make arrangements for the care of another. Once upon a time, I had to worry about how my decisions affected those around me; now I don’t give a damn, because it’s all about me. I can change my appearance at will, without having to worry about what HE thinks and HIS approval. I can spend my money any way I please and I don’t have to negotiate my budget and hide my purchases. I can lounge around my house and stay in bed all day if I feel like it. If I don’t want to cook, I don’t cook. If I don’t want to clean my house, I don’t. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. I can choose to be wonderfully and completely unreliable, and unless it’s something I want to do, I am. I won’t even get a pet!
Some call this selfishness, I call it freedom and it's very hard to let go of. I find that it's also highly threatening to some folks.
Excellent post, I've learned and am still learning from the past mistakes of my failed marriage and what you say is so right if you don't have a clue about who you are as a person you will constantly seek approval and validation from outside sources and eventually find yourself more unhappy than you first started while dragging your relationship down with you and your insecurities. Sadly, many people haven't a clue how truly lonely and codependent they are...the first step is knowing, anyway that's my little rant... if you like it (being happily single)sis I love it
ReplyDeleteYou are very wise. I totally agree with you. I enjoyed being single for the same reasons. That's why I did not marry until I was 43! The single life holds no fear for me at all.
ReplyDeleteLOVING the eye-pic. Sexy gyal.
ReplyDeleteThere's something else I forgot to mention.
ReplyDeleteA lot of women out there who have kids need to think twice and again before they play the staying manned-up game. When I worked in children's mental health I met a LOT of fucked-up kids whose moms thought that the boyfriend was the #1 priority. My coworker at the time called it "Revolving Door Syndrome" because these women just couldn't remain single and focus on themselves, their kids, and the family's overall future.
Women like these have to understand the effect romantic co-dependency has on their children. It's excruciatingly destructive; these are the women whose kids are constantly acting out, no matter how much stuff they have. If Mommy is not focusing on being "Mommy", best believe her children are going without.