This is an amended reply to a discussion thread on www.ankhesen-mie.net.
When asked if I have children, my answer is, “I don’t want to have kids.” Typically, the response to my response is, “You’ll change your mind.”
Let me be clear about this: I have no desire to be a mother. I love the freedom of being single and kid-free. I love being able to do anything and everything I want without having to put others first. I love being free. I have done my part and served my time caring for others and I do not feel that I have to devote the rest of my life (and any parent who tells you that you only have to put 18 years into raising a child is full of shit) to taking care of anyone else other than me. I don't give a fuck how that makes me sound. Plenty of people—women, usually—will call me selfish for my refusal to reproduce. I don’t think so. I call it being responsible.
The people who are quick to tell me that I'll change my mind, or that a "good man" will make me want a family, are typically mothers who are unhappy and regret having children. The whole subtext about the "good man" changing my mind annoys the shit out of me. Like he matters in the grand scheme of things. Fatherhood isn't motherhood, and there ain’t a man alive who can talk me into carrying a child and going through hours of grueling labor while his ass sits back and waits for the result. Fuck that.
I happen to believe that women who know themselves and live their lives on their own terms scares other women. Perhaps it's because we find our security in other places and not in the anchor of motherhood. That having kids isn't the pretty the media makes it out to be. From my viewpoint, motherhood is a messy, expensive, tiresome and thankless job. I’m sure a lot of women will disagree with this assessment and call me selfish for not wanting to extend myself in that direction. But I don’t think so. I call it a smart decision.
A lot of the ladies I know who are mothers have lost their womanhood in the midst of motherhood. It's like they've forgotten that they were women first. They're scared to acknowledge it because they're afraid others may believe that they aren't good mothers. Some think that they'll become women again when the kids are grown. But as I've always been told, "if you don't use it, you'll lose it." Now that scares me. When it comes to retaining my womanhood, you best believe I’m selfish.
I don't want to be a mother and I won't change my mind about it. Every woman is not meant to become a parent, and this world would be a far better place if they realize it. It pisses me off when other women try to force that shoe on my foot, as if they think I’m not an adult and can’t make my own decisions. As if I don’t know what I want. I ought to know that better than anybody.
I don't want to be a mother and I won't change my mind about it. Every woman is not meant to become a parent, and this world would be a far better place if they realize it. It pisses me off when other women try to force that shoe on my foot, as if they think I’m not an adult and can’t make my own decisions. As if I don’t know what I want. I ought to know that better than anybody.
