This Thing I Hate

Y’all know I take the craft of writing seriously.  It is my default setting, my first job, the thing I’ll do whether I get paid for it or not.  It is not something I fuck around with.  Whenever the muse graces me, I respect and cherish her.  Members of my creative network do likewise with their gifts and their muses.  We do what we have to do to nurture our creative spirits because we’d rather be writing than anything else.

Noob and I had a conversation recently where she described such a situation, and the “author” told FB that “the novel’s done.”  Curious, Noob went to look and discovered that said “novel” was actually a short story, and it was for sale on Amazon for $2 or $3.  And apparently, the topic is one I’d consider to be weighty, but the writer of this…pamphlet…clearly didn’t treat it as such.  Noob cracked up laughing, and when she told me, I was offended…and I do not offend easily.

Note:  Any real writer knows that a novel is at least 50,000 words.

I have absolutely negative patience with people who do shit like this and have the audacity to call themselves “authors.”  To me, it is a slap in the face for those of us who labor diligently in the craft, some who spend weeks agonizing over a chapter.  Personally, it takes me at least a year to write a straightforward novel, and my books rarely dip under 200 pages.  Case in point: the Velimir Saga has been in the works for three years, and because creating a ‘verse is a monumental task, it may be another three years (I hope not) before any of the planned books are published.  Why?  One reason is due to the sheer amount of historical research I have to do in order to write a well-crafted book that will do the Velimirs and Kedavinar justice.  I can’t stand lazy authors and I feel they do not deserve that title.  Real authors put in work.

If you care to waste your time, feel free to browse Amazon and you will find copious amounts of literary dreck from people who think that being an author is sexy.  They want the glory but have no concept of the work that goes into writing a book.  They don’t realize that the life of a true writer is a lonely, agonizing one; that the characters on paper are real people in our heads and have to be treated as such; that to tell a story requires soul-searching and necessitates looking into the abyss and allowing it to look into you.  They think they can take a shortcut to the NYT best-seller list, but the reality is that there is no shortcut.  Look no further than Mahogany Silverrain.  This is a woman who has published several stories (though she would call them novels), and while I admire her spirit, I cannot take her seriously.  See if you can.

So when Noob told me about that chick, I was like, “I wish people would stop fucking with my craft!”  I hate this shit.  I really do.  Denny and I’ve talked at length about how many people we’ve met who say they’re authors…but they have no completed manuscripts or anything of the sort.  In the publishing business, no one has time for you if you don’t come with a receipt; i.e. a workable manuscript that’s gone through at least two drafts.  In our publishing world (mine, Denny’s, Ankh’s, and any other PoC), no one has time for you if you don’t have that…AND white protagonists.  But I digress.

The beautiful thing about e-publishing is that it gives marginalized authors access and a platform to share their work with the world.  The ugly thing about e-publishing is that it lacks a filter or even an “Are You Really An Author” litmus test.  So any and everything is allowed to get through.  Agents and representatives of publishing houses looking for new talent have to wade through this swill, as do readers looking for new authors to follow.  How frustrated do you think they’d get if all they can find is 1000-word “novels”?

I’m not an expert on anything, nor am I an arbiter of all that is write (pun intended) and wrong when it comes to writing.  I just know what the craft means to me, and I hate when wannabes make light of it.  If you can’t run with the big dogs, then stay your puppy ass on the porch.  Likewise, if you can’t be bothered with the effort a novel requires, then stick to short stories and learn appropriate labels.  And that’s that.